Hi Rabbit, thank you for dropping back in. I am almost through your sitch. Will have to admit I feel a bit hopeless in my situation after reading your story...
My 180s Do things other than the residency... have a life - bought a motorcycle, something he and I always have enjoyed, (made him very interested but didn't pull him out of the fog) - started going to church, had really let go of God several years ago, have really accepted Him back into my life for me... plus, H often gave me a little nudge about not believing in God - reconnected with my family... something I greatly needed to do - exercising consistently... always have been inconsistent with this, now in the best shape of my life - in Sept I gave a couple of talks and rocked them, public speaking was a challenge and I was a wreck in the past, taking it out on him... he noted the change and said it was like I was a 'different person' - dress better at work because I fell better about me... since he hasn't/won't tell anyone at work, it gets back to him to a degree even if he doesn't see me in the hospital - smile more and am more outgoing everywhere, not just at work
Ok, that is all I can think of right now. I am at work and will add more as they come to me. I really appreciate your input, sorry for all the emotional crap you had to wade through reading my thread!!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Come on Evolve your not hopeless, this whole thing grinds us down.. Its the hardest thing ever! You have been NC for about fourish weeks and believe me that is the hard part, the bit where you want to crack and make contact, and also it starts to hit home at this point!
YOu have made some fab starts there for yourself, bit envious of the motorbike, I have one of sorts except she is 16hh high and furry, but believe me she can hit the escalerator pedal (hoofs) and gallop into the sunset too!
Hang in there you can do this, what ever this turns out to be! Ask any questions you want, even if you think they are daft I dont bite ask GW? You take care hun and chat soon!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks for the encouragement. I don't want to feel hopeless, but it is my defense against feeling too hopeful. I also have outside influences encouraging me to move on... I'm trying to remember MWD's words regarding this though...
I am just as envious of your girl, but I do love my bike:)
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
You will have lots of outside influences, in the worlds mind once we are officially dumped we should just get our own back, fleece them, take them to the cleaners and revel in all the glory!
Just one small hitch, most of us still love the silly beggars, and arnt ready to call it a day, and why should we, we put all our energy into our marriages, and most of us on here respect the fact we said "till death us do part" and the only reason we'd want to change them is to murder the silly H/W ourselves lol!
I even had my own S (22) telling me that his dad was gone and wasnt going to change his mind and move on! Ironically later on he managed to tell his father that he should "just get some sense and go back to mum" lol!
Its not a crime to stand for your marriage, as long as you are standing for yourself first and the standing for your marriage happens as a bonus!
Chin up hope you do an interesting job and it keeps your mind off things x
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Ok Rabbit, I have completed your lovely story! Is there another thread of yours to read?
I can't believe what a rockstar you are... I am a huge worrier for sure and this has been the worst thing ever. My mind races like crazy and I can't focus at work. I can't believe how together you were and focused. You did GAL your butt off.
I am afraid in my sitch that my H may believe he is in love and nothing I can do will change that. He is a hopeless romantic and I fear that he has fallen again and it will take forever for him to see the light. I can see in retrospect that he has been 'gone' from our marriage for many months, probably at least April, maybe even January. I have no doubt that he would crack if he went to counseling with me but he keeps putting me off. Then I think I screwed up when I told him to just 'go file'. I challenged him to do it, that was probably not the best move... who knows really? He said from the beginning he wanted a D. When he makes his mind up he wants things done yesterday.
The thing I do have going for me in my sitch is that he can't get completely away from my changes. He may avoid me in the halls but I know people talk to him about me just as they talk about me to him. You know, just small things like 'I saw your wife at blah, blah, she looked really nice etc.' Most recently I colored my dogs hair. He is a chinese crested so mostly hairless... I colored the hair on his head purple... everyone assumed he did it since he is the jokester- I am sure this got back to him in some form. (Sorry if anyone sees this as animal cruelty... he loved it I promise :-)
So, after some NC, I feel a bit re-energized in the 'I can do this' but don't know where the hell to go from here! In addition, I fight with the 'what the heck am I thinking, he is obviously a huge coward, can't tell me or anyone else the truth, why would I want him'? Unfortunately, he has a lot of darn good qualities too... I have to admit.
So about the tension, lack of communication, NC... keep it up or do something different??
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Rabbit- your thread reminded me of something too. I think it was Coach that said he had never seen a WAS lead out of limboland.
When I was working in his vicinity and we were seeing each other almost daily (in Oct), he was definitely noticing my changes and was starting to follow. He saw me drinking a protein shake and then drew me in to converse to let me know he was going to the gym again. There were a few other small signs like this.
Now however, I have taken a few steps back I feel. I have gotten the D put on hold citing my obligations at work and the holidays. He didn't dispute one bit. But my time at DBing is limited. This I know. So, any advice you have I will listen.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Still checking in on you. You are in good hands with LR. I've got nothing to give today, I'm sorry. I just don't have enough in me right now.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
