When I dated the very nice girl from my divorce group we had already talked about very deep subjects. She knew all about my fight for my marriage, my legal battle, my then stbxw, my views as a father, and it made me attractive to her. huh? All my baggage was attractive to her? Not exactly, but women do seem to really NEED this type of interaction from men.
It's an honour when we get to see the real man under the surface.
Originally Posted By: v1olin
When I read what you say about guitarist I hear a guy that has had it with hard times. He just wants to have fun and hang out with a beautiful woman.
I think you have nailed it violin...my gut says you have it right. Thanks for the male perspective (oh and thanks for the compliment )
Originally Posted By: v1olin
He may not know that you need him to listen to you when you are down. If you let him go too long without letting him know your "dark side" it will become harder for him to open up. This is all my opinion though!
Thanks for your perspective on this. It's not that I am needing major support from him...it's just that I want to have that added dimension of connection. And I'll remember about him not being a mind-reader.
Thanks for chiming in
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I thought that about him because that is exactly where I am. It also sounds like he got dumped by his W because he was a doormat. The "sappy romantic" comment made me think that. Once again that was me. I would never say that to my new date though-thanks to this site I have learned that would be a turn off to a woman!
On our 8th anniversay I suprised my W after work wearing a suit. I took her to a great restuaraunt and we had a great time. When we were going to bed I thought for sure it was time for fun...nope! This is what she said before going to sleep,
"I don't want to have sex with you because I feel obligated to after you took me to an expensive restuaraunt."
Real nice wifey, wonder why I stayed with her??
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I thought that about him because that is exactly where I am. It also sounds like he got dumped by his W because he was a doormat.
I think you're right. It sounds like she is an Irish "super matriarch" and he felt completely emasculated by her.
Originally Posted By: v1olin
The "sappy romantic" comment made me think that. Once again that was me. I would never say that to my new date though-thanks to this site I have learned that would be a turn off to a woman!
It wasn't a turnoff to me, I guess because he's done 180s on himself and I think he is now a more confident, assertive man than he was in the past. "Manly" is a must for me, and he has definitely been that...but I can see the vulnerability there as well (which doesn't turn me off because I have genuine fondness for him).
Originally Posted By: v1olin
On our 8th anniversay I suprised my W after work wearing a suit. I took her to a great restuaraunt and we had a great time. When we were going to bed I thought for sure it was time for fun...nope! This is what she said before going to sleep,
"I don't want to have sex with you because I feel obligated to after you took me to an expensive restuaraunt."
Real nice wifey, wonder why I stayed with her??
That sucks. I guess many of us in the LBS club have painful memories of putting ourselves out there and being rejected. You know what I said to Guitarist about his "sappy romantic" gesture to his wife that wasn't received the way that he hoped? I said "a gift is still a gift, even if it wasn't appreciated".
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Flow, I haven't really followed your sitch but it sounds like you both are still trying to feel eachother out. You said you feel like you can't really let go and be yourself with him and that could be because you have your own walls up--it takes time to get to know someone and explore them and at the same time you want to protect your heart after all the madness that D creates.
I personally love a romantic man. I love flowers and chivalrous gestures and holding the door open and 'I love yous' and all that sappy b.s. I know it's not everyone's bag but for me, it makes the world go round! I also find myself more physically attracted to someone when they are romantic.
Flowmom, please give us an update! Just wondering how you are doing
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
(oh and thanks for the compliment 
)
That sucks. I guess many of us in the LBS club have painful memories of putting ourselves out there and being rejected. You know what I said to Guitarist about his "sappy romantic" gesture to his wife that wasn't received the way that he hoped? I said "a gift is still a gift, even if it wasn't appreciated".