AHHHH!! I need something Corri. Like an empty house.
I was asked to help wrap things and bring up a little something to sip on. Just us in the room. Daddy was about to make a move and boom, biff blam. The kids and their friends started to have too much fun.
They saw me going upstairs with the booze. One of them gave me a smile and a wink. Do they know more than I give them credit for?
I did notice that for the first time in awhile, W changed in sight of me. Baby step I reckon...
Blackie, I'm with Corri...what're you waiting on dude!
The kids can see you kiss her, hug her, whisper in her ear that you want to ravish her that night. There are TONS of things that you can do to set the mood without the kids knowing what's going on. Actually at your kids age, they prolly do know what's going on!
I would not involve them anymore than they have already been involved. This marriage is between you and your wife. So I would not enlist their help, ie asking them to vamoose at a "signal" of yours or something. Your wife has already entrusted them with WAY too much adult knowledge, imo, such as 'Is BR wearing his wedding band?' and such.
Kids tend to take everything personally and to think that they cause things to happen, or at the very least are a help or hindrance. That is too much pressure for them to have both their parents depending on them for the future of their marriage. They're just children!!
Ok, enough of that.
Now regarding your waiting for the perfect moment in order to put the Big Kahuna moves on the little woman...well my suspicion is that this is a past habit of yours. Am I right? Well if I am, let's just remember that past behaviors have not served either of you well. It is time to start some new habits. THIS IS THE TIME!
This was, without a doubt, the hardest hurdle for my H to overcome. He was constantly waiting for: the kids to be in bed, the dishes to be done, we were both in bed, it wasn't too late...ETC...for us to get busy. Now as you can imagine these perfect times rarely come. He also has a hard time with "letting go" of his sexual self if there is a chance that it might not lead anywhere. To him, he does not want to get all worked up, only to have the kids barge in and ruin everything. Well, as I said above, if we waited for moments of perfection, we will never have any moments together! And really what is so bad about getting hard and then having to resume it later? Extended foreplay is always nice, right!
Once he finally let go of a few things (namely, not wanting to act sexual in front of kids; not wanting to start what we MIGHT not be able to finish; and waiting for the "right" time) we got into a great groove. These were hard for him to let go. It was just like breaking any other habit, it took time and effort on his part.
I had a few habits of my own to break, don't you worry!
Man you are seriously on a roll with your wife and she is waiting for you to make your move. Believe me, she can see the lust in your eyes and body language. It will not come as a surprise to her when you make your move.
This is your year, man!
Keep up updated on all your adventures, you hot sexy hunka burning love........ok, so maybe I just wanted to jump on the bandwagon of all those ladies from Sat night who were hitting on ya! LOLOLOL Just kidding..
Hey HP. The babes trying to get BR was a real PMA boost. I still have it. And they weren't too bad looking either. Today, a jiggly girl came to BR's cube to talk about the party and how he should have danced with her. BR was happy to say the least. Have I mentioned it's been a long time???
After all is said and done, I would rather have my jiggly girl. Maybe not with the faults. I've been on a up and down ride. W is up to her bad money management ideas. There will be blow back. I've had mood swings most of yesterday.
Last night, I was with "more of the same" behavior. I was on a down swing and needy if you know what I mean. I was smoking in the garage with a glass of Christmas cheer when the W came out. She asked what was wrong. Instead of coming straight out, I did my famous "nuthin." She of course told me she could tell I was lying and tried to get in. She stopped trying and went in. She came back out a little later and tried again. I was stuck in my little funk so I told her "this and that" was bothering me. She commented that at least she got a litte more than the last time.
Once I crashed, I could have kicked myself in the azz. One of her complaints was I don't open up. I closed up on her and let her sit out there. I should have told her what I was funky about including the need for....... I guess I should know better than that. If I had opened up, I would have shown change.
My cube buddy at work told me I should be happy she cared enough to try and find out what was up with me twice. We'll see what happens tonight. She called off her second job and is home tonight. I wonder if I should make a move knowing her crimsom visitor is still in town I did that when I broke out of my fog and wanted to touch her this summer. It was surprising how quickly her visitor was gone.
Quote: Last night, I was with "more of the same" behavior. I was on a down swing and needy if you know what I mean. I was smoking in the garage with a glass of Christmas cheer when the W came out. She asked what was wrong. Instead of coming straight out, I did my famous "nuthin." She of course told me she could tell I was lying and tried to get in. She stopped trying and went in. She came back out a little later and tried again. I was stuck in my little funk so I told her "this and that" was bothering me. She commented that at least she got a litte more than the last time. BR, M/V talks about telling W you are in your cave, and if she know M/V she will be okay with it.
Quote: After all is said and done, I would rather have my jiggly girl. Maybe not with the faults. I've been on a up and down ride. W is up to her bad money management ideas. There will be blow back. Tell us more about her money management skills, I have some experience in fixing this.
Tell ya about her money habits. OK. But, this story has a beginning. 3 years ago, W decided she wanted to quit a great job. The reason, she is obsessed with her 4 year old cousin. She is obssesed to the point where all other considerations including myself and the kids are secondary. Before she quit this job, I warned her the economy would tank and she wouldn't find a job as good. Well before she stormed off, she yelled that she would just get a part-time job. Well, she had to. That's one of our problems. We don't see each other because of that and she has developed some type of relationship there. That will be covered in the update.
Anyway, W was in charge of paying the bills, I would xfer money to her account to cover house bills as well as my bills. I was out of town on biz when I found my cell wasn't working. I didn't pay attention because there was a tornado in town and my company had to shut down the switch board.
But I finally checked to find she hasn't paid my bill in 3 months. I also found out other bills weren't paid. I suspect she was funneling my money to her cousin's family. In fact, she let it slip this summer they owe her(whoops I mean us) money. Long story short, she makes dumb choices. To go to see this person, she took 1 week off without pay. That threw her back. I can't sleep past 8 on Saturdays as her bill collectors start ringing us up.
W also puts emotional crap in front of realistic stuff. Example, tax rebate check. I suggested stock up on kid's meds and a pair of glasses. Rather than do that, she took $170 to the fair she took the kids to. She took $120 to a pork fest and bought her second job friends food and another $300 to cover her trip without pay. The kids did not get their meds. I didn't know she didn't do it or the the glasses. But she made herself feel better by taking them to the fair and treating her user friends to a meal.
We recently came into a couple bucks. I suggested the glasses again. Instead, she blew the money on crap the kids won't care about past January 31. I also suspect she bought her friend something as well. This isn't a lot of detail and it's full of anger. To summarize, W only thinks in 2 dimesions. Making herself feel good by doing dumb things for otheres. She will spend our money to do this. This includes money that should go for the kids.
I may as well update.
Christmas was good although W didn't go to my family's house. She didn't "feel comfortable." Oh well, I had a good time. She had something in the house with her folks. My father being my father gave us a nice card with money. He thinks until the ink is dry, that's his daughter in law. Yesterday, I came across a little intel that indicates W is having massive communications with the guy I caught her with. It started a few weeks ago with a flurry of 1 minute calls. Shortly after a couple 20 minute calls. This goes on for a few days until the middle of this month. On one occasion, she called me in rapid succession but I was in a meeting and couldn't talk. Afterwards she bombards this guy with calls and finally gets him. What makes this thing even crazier for me. The S told me he overheard(which is a specialty of his)his mother and this guy talking. He claims he heard the guy telling W she should stay with ole BR because he's a great guy. This guy doesn't know me from Adam's off aunt so I don't know how he can say that.
Anyway, I have 3 theories. One is that he got "what he came for" and is shoving her off, two, she's telling the truth and they're really friends and one a woman told me is that he thought they were just friends and she's starting to press him. I don't know and I'm confused. Over the past few weeks, shortly after the calls started, she's been very nice to me and we seemed to be getting along. She was talking more, sitting on the bed and such.
Now, I don't know. This poop gets deeper by the minute.
I know spying is a violation, but when I get a tingle in my BS antena, I have to check things out.
Also, the kids inform me mommy is mad at me. She was mad because they told her I was visiting a friend's house. I don't know why they told her that. I was visiting friends in a neighboring town. Strange enough, within a few miles of the guy I caught her with. She must have been mad at me. In addition taking the kids out to eat and making them pay her dinner as well as there own, she refused to let them bring me desert. She came in hot last night and left hot this morning when she found out I was taking the kids to eat and shop. She then called to ask where were we. She was speaking in a friendly tone as if nothing has happened. I don't get this dame.
Any thoughts?
More to follow. Sorry to dump this here but I don't tell many people IRL this stuff.
Quote: Making herself feel good by doing dumb things for otheres. She will spend our money to do this. This includes money that should go for the kids. BR,
I know the feeling, XW would run up credit when she mad, sad, etc. The ironic thing is she handled the checking account like scrooge, never over and bills paid. But could not control her credit cards. We did have problems on spending so C had us take an allowance each pay that could be spent any way we each wanted. Now I had her handle the checking as long as she used Quicken, she was to keep it up to date each week. Otherwise I was going to get 2 signature checks. I wanted to keep an eye on the checking so she did not create new credit cards.
On found money, like say 300, we would each take $50 to spend any way we wanted and the rest went to bonds. Bonds are magical, you can't cash them for 6 months, and some how there were never cashed. Go figure. When we split, we had 7K in bonds.
Fisrt action is to agree on a budget, and the allowance amount.
Good advice PP. We tried this a couple times before. She will stray whenever this family member of her's comes up. Earlier this summer, the kid's dad was here with an expensive camera. I wasn't happy "knowing" he owed us some money. I mentioned it to the W. To that, she slipped that he owed "us" nearly 4 times what I thought. At one point, I noticed our mortgage wasn't paid on time. I started charting her known family drama to these money issues. I see a pattern. They use her as a human ATM machine. She's out there to say the least.
She came home last night. I had my shields up ready for battle as she was in a bad mood and mad at me before she split for work. She came through the door nice as heck. Talking and cheerful. I can't figure this out. Hateful when she leaves for work and cool when she comes back. I some times wonder what happens at work. Today, we're heading in a couple different directions. She's taking the kids to her brother's place. I'm heading north to a town 20 mile from here to visit. I hope I don't get attitude this time. On Friday, I when for a visit and understand she was mad. I just don't get it.
If she mismanages the family finances, why is she in charge of them?
Corri
She was replaced. In fact, she came to me and said her mind wasn't right for handling the money. I took over the bills to find a nightmare. My cell phone wasn't paid forever, a couple credit cards had nsf charges on it and my ride wasn't paid for a month. Utilities were somewhat in order. Her bills were worse off. She owed huge balances. I called to get these chunked. At one point, the missing mortgage payment surfaced. I had a choice between paying that or her cloths bill. She was mad I didn't pay her outrageous cloths bill. To top things off. The mortgage company spread the missing payment(oh I forgot about the partial payment)over 5 months. This increased my out of pocket by $600 per month and has our mortgage reporting as 5 months past due. During this period, she found a way to go to the islands with her buddy. She claims the trip was free. I have no evidence she paid for it and I'm good at snooping. She may be telling the truth.
Sorry. I know your answer didn't require all this
W is freaking me out. She was going to mall to pick up some things. I had a gift cert a client gave me. I asked her to stop and grab me something to which I got a crappy attitude about how tight her schedule was. All she would have had to do was walk another 20 feet to get my shower gel from the mens counter. She would have had 3/4 of her make up money handed to her. Later for her. I'll go get my own crap and a few new cloths. This has been the first time in a few years I've bought a new cologne. I have a closet full. I just had my ear pierced again and I noticed BR is down to 275 from 298 when this crap started. I don't mind saying, BR is a fine looking dude. The cologne lady was flirting telling me when she saw me in the mall with my new scent, she wouldn't be able to resist. She was telling me when she would be in the mall. Just then, the kids decided to walk up and check in.
Why can't W put the moves on me like that? But, the more I think about it, she used to.
Hm. Okay, it sounds like the finances issue is resolved. She mucked it up royally. So, why are you revisiting it? Do you want her to pay you back? Are you trying to decide whether or not you will help her out with her bills? If you want to help her, help her. If you don't want to, don't. Am I missing the issue here?
Have you hit on her yet? Misteltoe still works this time of year, you know. What are you having a hard time figuring out with her? Her moods? Whether she loves you and wants to stay in the marriage? I mean, for now, it sounds like you have the answers you need. She's still in the house, she cancelled the court date...
I did that when I broke out of my fog and wanted to touch her this summer. It was surprising how quickly her visitor was gone.
