And, no I should not look at those texts again. They are filed away for my L to have if needed. I have already stopped my self from looking at them a few times. I already know what I needed to know. At this point it would just hurt me for no good reason.
except for #4 the post is great. Sorry about the phone bill, it sucks to see it even if you suspected.
No questions about whether you will want him "if this and that" happen, matter now. I think they take energy away from #5, and the rest.
Detach. The pain will flare up now and then but you'll heal as you can see, you are starting to already.
I'm sorry he's a cheat and liar. Doesn't mean the WHOLE M was a sham anymore than his recall of "being unhappy" is. Detach, let the good times & memories resurface for both of you, and Keep Growing.
I don't know what your h offers OW, if he's being open with you about money.
She'll figure that out. If he's not open with you about money, time will probably tell b/c fil is out of work now, and mil is not nearly the interfering villain your h let you believe. If they're ALL broke, they'll notice his purchases. Can't wait til he knows you saw the bill. Say nothing. NOTHING...if he bothers to explain or lie some more, roll your eyes and show utter indifference. As in, you are Totally NOT interested.... As he is now, at least you know you don't want him. That's what counts. B/c he is who he is, now. Til IF AND WHEN That changes, what's to ask?
Good luck, and let's get on with the rest of your list, esp #5!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am starting to believe you are right about #4. Wondering 'what if' isn't helping and it is pointless. I will admit I am struggling with it more than I would like. I figure I will let myself take my time with this. I need a bit more time to let go and get my feet back under me.
#5 went great, btw. I had a nice night with my baby. Good snuggles, good movie, good ice cream, and glitter glue everywhere!
Even managed to keep up the PMA while in the car she started telling me how her "daddy's-friend-other-not-real-aunt- " was at the Halloween party a few weeks ago. You know, the one I didn't get to go to so H could have one on one time with his D? Yeah. That one. Means younger SIL has been introduced. May be that is why she is avoiding me and didn't throw a big party for her own girl.
Kind of ironic that I spent most of my IC appointment talking about how I want my D to feel safe and that I susspect she has been upset because H is telling her to keep secrets from me. I did good and didn't push for details or tell her to hush. Just let my baby say what she wanted to say and left it at that.
Had a whole talk worked out with my IC, telling her it is ok to tell or not tell mommy anything she wants and how her job is to play and go to day care, not make big decisions for her mommy and daddy. It looks like the little one figured it out on her own. She is a smart cookie.
Had a couple interesting things pop up with MIL. Got a free turkey at work but didn't have room for it. I called MIL to see if she would take it. She said she would cook it up for a Wednesday dinner some night so we could all have it. I slipped and made a comment saying I didn't think I was welcome to go anymore, but that was ok. MIL got offended and said I should know I was welcome. I clarified that it wasn't her who didn't want me there. She got a little upset and said that NOBODY is allowed to tell her who is or is not welcome in her home. She went on to say that I was welcome whenever I wanted.
Then MIL said something REALLY interesting. She said that relationships are changing and that it is really hard right now. When she got divorced from H's dad that the hardest part was to stop loving him. Then she realized that it was ok to still love the man she had fallen in love with, but not the man he really was.
That floored me, because that is exactly what I am trying to wrap my head arround about her son. Not sure if she meant it how it sounded to me, but it was the first time she didn't make me feel like all of this was my fault, and that maybe her son had something to do with this mess.
Hi (((Zen))) Just wanted you to know I am still around and lurking.
I have found it interesting the people that have seemingly come out of the woodwork to give me words of encouragement or great advice. People I may not have really cared for or had much of a role in my life at all before this mess. Sounds like your MIL may be one of those in your case.
Glad to hear #5 went well B-
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Thanks for lurking around. I have kind of been in the same boat. Still trying to keep up, but I don't really have much advice to give since I am fighting so hard to make sense of my own sitch.
I have had a lot of kindness come my way from a lot of people, even though I have done pretty good at keeping the details to myself. MIL was kind of a special. H has always been her clear favorite child and could do no wrong in her eyes. Her attitude from the beginning has been that I must have made my H's life unbearable for him to leave his child.
I think that she is seeing more and more of what H is doing. Having to hear her granddaughter cry for me an hour or more every night she is there can't be easy for her. She also lost her own mother and her MIL this year, as well as lost her job and had major back surgery. My FIL losing his job seems to have done her in a bit. She may have hit hit her breaking point. Like me, she may also have run out of excuses for her son.
Just in case, I will not start confiding in her. She is his mom, and it isn’t my job to show her what he is doing or get her on my side. Looks like H is doing a fantastic job of that all on his own anyway.
Just realized that H is no longer direct depositing his paycheck into our joint account. I know it is getting deposited somewhere because the pay stub he left for me to file says it is. Not surprised. I was planning on doing the same thing.
Tells me his quitting the store was probably not planned. They frown on employee drama. Why go to the trouble of moving your deposits for a $50 paycheck if you are planning on quitting?
Wondering if I will be able to make it financially right now. Once we are divorced child support is gauranteed by the state. I can't cover my bills without it. I don't think H knows about the mandatory child support. I would guess he plans to 'work it out' informally with me.
Probably will be ok if he doesn't pull money out any more, and he hasn't yet. He was spending moree than he was paying in, so it is really not too bad. It just seems like he is no longer feeling responible for things over here. Not surprised.
On a better note, I am having a nice quiet evening at home with my girl. Went to play with a neighbor kid earlier. I have a lot of paperwork and she is tired, so it's Dora to the rescue now. Still a good night to just chill out.
I'm feeling good Tomorrow we go for a morning run and start the holiday banana cake baking. They freeze great, so it is a low stress gift. Mmmmm...
Hi Zen, You are sounding somewhat at peace right now, hope it lasts a while for you. Not much new on my end. Replied to your post on my sitch.
Have you tried to set up the alt? I am soooo not computer saavy so I didn't know how the heck to do it. I may have one of my friends help me. Would like to talk with you a bit off the board.
I think you low stress PMA is spreading to me, even though I have to give a seminar in 2 weeks and haven't started I need to get my butt off these boards and write the sucker! Need to 'rock' it!!!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I am fighting so hard to make sense of my own sitch.
Hey Zen ... just wanted to say hi ... let you know that I'm lurking and reading. I'm out of town with business and don't have much access to a computer ...
RE ^^^ ... sweetie ... STOP. It doesn't make sense. PERIOD. What I have figured out is that most things really do happen for a reason. In my sitch, this has been a golden opportunity for me to find ME. I would not have done the work without the bomb. I now know who I am ... don't get me wrong, I still have lots of work to do, but I am very clear on my path and on my core and on who I strive to be. For ME. For my kids.
Do I wish this could have happened without all of this ... of course. But that's not what happened. That's not the sitch I'm in. It is what it is. And I am moving forward, loving my life, loving myself, living my life ...
I have peace. Most days. lol.... but you know what ... I could be living the white-picket-fence, 2.5 kids, honda civic in the driveway perfect life dream ... and there would still be crappy days. Sh!t still happens.
You are doing amazing well my friend. Keep steppin' ... keep moving ... keep moving ...
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
The more my H seems to continue to pull back and be all over the map the more I appreciate not feeling so caught up in his drama. It still makes me sad, but I can get back to my life again without dwelling on it. Do have to say that knowing H is still deep in an R with OW is helping me stay away right now.
It is hard not to speculate though. I mean seriously, what is going on in their head?!
" was at the Halloween party a few weeks ago. You know, the one I didn't get to go to so H could have one on one time with his D? Yeah. That one. Means younger SIL has been introduced. May be that is why she is avoiding me and didn't throw a big party for her own girl. 
I need to get my butt off these boards and write the sucker! Need to 'rock' it!!!