H in crisis and self medicating with OW

[nicole8]

Angel---umm yes my h is very obsessive about things as of the last 4 years or so (I think it is a crutch he has used for the depression). First it was remote control planes, remote control boats, had to get a new car, had to have scuba gear, have to build a fishing platform. Now it is the OW. I believe in my h's case he becomes way to much for the ow to handle. He flips out when she distances herself from him or doesn't spend 100% of her time with him. She told him about a month ago that she thought he needed help. He told her that he couldn't believe she was acting this way after all the money he spent on her. Really? Are you kidding?

It is sort of funny at times but then I do also remember that it is my life so it isn't funny at all.

I truly think the cycle will not stop until my h decides that it will stop. I've been waaaaay to nice to him every time he comes home. I see pain in his eyes and he is lost and I just can't help feeling sorry for him. BUT he is making bad decisions. I'm trying really hard to be dark. It's been 7 days now and nothing from the h. A judge was ruling today about moving our court day back 90 days in hopes of reconciling. However, my h left again because he just has to get a "fix" from the OW.

I'm also trying to come up with what I am going to say when I do see or talk with him. I'm not sure which h it will be though because his moods change. Another thing to think about is...what do I say if he comes home again? The only things I can come up with are:
* Do you want to commit to our M?
* What's different now?
* Are you willing to wear your wedding ring?
* Are you willing to remove the petitiona for divorce?
* Are you willing to block ow from calling?

I'm not sure what to think or do. Most of the above still seems controlling and an ultimatum in a way. My DB coach has said that he needs to feel as if he is losing you and has to win me back. He's had to do pretty much nothing for himself for a very long time and he needs some pride in doing something. Sooo, I need to buckle up and stop being here for him everytime. He's got to think I might actually want to be divorced.