feel love thumping at the doors of my heart again

[flowmom]

Thanks for listening and replying newmama

FM- about people not commenting(your old followers) it is worth reminding them in Newcomers that you have traveled here!

Unfortunately my old thread got suddenly locked so I wasn't able to redirect.

There could be a survival mechanism in there somewhere...my gut tells me that it makes sense for people dealing with others' very hard, sad lives have to distance themselves from it somehow in order to be productive. Suppose he has an automatic "everything is great!" front going on as a result.

That is very perceptive newmama, very good point. You just can't do a job like that without developing protective mechanisms, and that makes sense.

yep, my theory may still apply. PLUS...this is the sucky part (for all of us LBS) old habits may be hard to break. In other words, what if he was a conflict avoider or didn't open up much in his marriage. There could be the chance that he has carried this way of relating with him to other relationships.

More good points. And you know what? I think he was a conflict avoider. I think he was pretty unhappy/alone in his M (like I was) but like me he was not the one to initiate the separation.

But let me ask you this--how long did it take for you to be real with your friends and open up to them? You have been dating Guitarist for how long?

How did you get to be so smart newmama?? Seriously you are giving me great input here. The answer is -- years! Two of my dearest friends are people who I knew for years but interacted with on a pretty superficial level before we really connected and we got to know one another on a deeper level, even though none of us are particularly shy or private. It's like there was a wall that had to be broken through before real sharing was possible. I am forgetting what that process looked like in some cases. I have also experienced "instant intimacy", and I guess that's what I'm comparing to, which isn't really fair because "instant intimacy" can be shallow in reality. I have been dating Guitarist for just over 3 months. That is not very long and I need to respect the natural pacing of what is going on. Just breathe and enjoy

So you want him to say "FM, damn, I had a hell of a day today.Let me tell you..." or "I don't feel like I was being a good dad this week" or what?

I guess so. SOMETHING that shows that he is aware of and in touch with the Dark Side. Because I have trouble trusting people who can't express that they know the Dark Side. Does that make sense?

Thanks so much. So helpful.