H's MLC - he is still lost but I found myself

[Mila]

Thank you SA, GAG, Eric & Alb

SA - I think that when we do something with our children and they are not there (yes I know it's their choice) they miss being part of it and have a hard time dealing with it...so they either ignore it and don't comment on it (denial...if you ignore it it doesn't exist) or get angry with us, because after all everything is our fault anyway (projection/blame).

GAG - hard to read what my D thinks of everything what's going on....she doesn't talk about it. But I know that she loves her daddy and every time anything exciting happens in her life she calls him or texts him right away. The other day we were talking and I said "I want you to have a good relationship with your dad" and she said "I have a good relationship"....and that's great
D doesn't show me any special consideration, doesn't treat me as a victim (poor mom) or talks badly about her dad ....and that's good too. I have noticed though that we have become even closer and despite her being a teen, we get along quite well....I know that she knows that she can rely on me to be there for her...she knows that she is my number one priority...unfortunately she obviously realizes that that's not the case with her daddy right now.

Eric - how do I get out of the pressure cooker?...I must clarify....the stress is more existential then emotional...I know how to get out of it and I'm taking steps...but still to many things up in the air...too many unknowns....

Eric - love you for the car gags...you make me laugh....it seems like cars really excite you .....boys and their toys LOL...Hopefully you don't buy cars like my D does...."oweee that's so pretty"..."I like the blue one"....who cares about the mileage or gas cost LOL

About the frivolous comment - I'm the one who feels bad about buying a car in our current situation so I'm justifying it to myself.

Alb - Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and observations of your post-OW husband....it sure sounds like the fog is lifting for him....it helps so much to see that this is possible....because seeing my H the way he is now makes me doubt that he can ever be "normal" again.