who are you?

[marmie]

test

PLEASE!! I need to post to my thread. what is wrong with this board?

[marmie]

ok. i give up. i'll go someplace else.

[MrBond]

"marmie stated that she didn't understand why she wasn't enough .. and that he had to resort to porn to meet his 'needs'."

That's why I asked if she and her H talked about it. I read the post carefully, I just think we need more details.

"Her husband is coercing her.. that needs to stop... or his sex life with his wife is just going to get a lot worse.:

That's quite a blanket statement. I don't see anywhere he coerced her into doing anything. She felt uncomfortable which made him uncomfortable. If she asked him why he wanted to look at porn and really talked about it, that would help them to find solutions.

Was he curious? Did he want to try something new? Did he feel he couldn't ask marnie to do something and so had to fulfill his fantasy elsewhere? We don't know.

And this isn't a SSM problem. It's a problem with communication. He just didn't feel comfortable about talking about it.

[marmie]

please! i need advise! this is not fair to wait for my post to show up. by the time it does, the responces make no sense.

[Cyrena]

PLEASE!! I need to post to my thread. what is wrong with this board?

Hi Marmie,

Other new posters have noticed that there is a time lapse before their posts appear. It's been suggested it's to make sure that if angry spouses "follow" posters here, they are monitored before making nasty attacks on their spouse (as has unfortunately happened more than once).

I hope you will choose to stay here, as there are many experienced people who can help you. Take your time, weigh the opposing viewpoints, and assess exactly what your opposition to the porn is really about. Is it that your H is keeping secrets from you? Could there be an element of control about it? (ie, if you found out he was m@sturbating regularly without you but also without porn, would you feel the same way about it?) Are you opposed to porn as an industry which can exploit women and promote unrealistic views of women's bodies and sexuality (or any other reasons), or do you feel neutral about it except in relation to your H? Do you know whether porn has been a part of your H's life since before you met him, or whether it is a recent interest?

If you look up some of Dance Queen's threads from the Sexually Starved Forum, she had some interesting thoughts about porn that you might find interesting.

[marmie]

finally.
bond, you did not read my post carefully at all or you would not of asked me how long i been married.
my h watches shemale porn. am i to incorporate that into my marriage? really?
sick!

[marmie]

walking, i see you been here a long time. do you really think i should watch shemales with my spouse? would you?

[MrBond]

"am i to incorporate that into my marriage? really?"

Of course not. But my point was did you talk to him about it? About his curiosity? Or did you just say he was a wack job and it was disgusting? How did you communicate your point across?

[MrBond]

And I apologize for missing the years married. I saw your age. It helps if you put your vitals in your signature so that it appears all the time.

And for the record, you didn't mention what kind of porn he was looking at. the more information on these Boards you can supply, the better.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Marmie,

You have a good sex life. Does he want sex more often than you?
Do you want it more often than him?

Is this an addiction?

I suppose if it was everyday.

Is it?

This could very well have nothing to do with you at all, hence "fantasy"...something that will never happen.

I like two women kissing. I don't want one of those women to be my wife. And I do not want to be involved.
I hope you do not need me to get more graphic than that.
But I am trying to point out that sometimes a guys fantasy has nothing to do his wife lacking sexually.

If I thought my fantasy would be upset my wife, I wouldn't tell her.

I am also not trying to incorporate it into our sex life.

Is your husband trying to?