Update. BR decided to take 1/2 day off just in case he was ordered to court. Last night, W was not happy that I asked her for a confirmation of this saying her guy didn't send her anything. That threw up a flag with me.
This morning while on the phone, her attorney called looking for her. To my knowledge, he has never called the house before. His message was that the thing was called off and could I get her that message. He then said I could call to confirm if I wanted to. Well, I did. The ladies didn't bother to ask for the cause# as in the past. Just the last name. In a rather rude tone, they told me it was off the docket.
I feel a little bad for questioning her honor but all things considered maybe I shouldn't. She was very nice today as she left. I don't know what that was about. We'll see what mood she's in when she gets back later.
What about taking her lunch today, or something like that? You don't have to tell her that you consider this the first day of your new start, but YOU can think that way. I think she has been making baby steps towards you but you have been missing them because you were too afraid to trust her. (I don't blame you one bit, btw)
Maybe it's time for Blackie to make a baby step towards her?? Whaddya think?
Quote: What about taking her lunch today, or something like that? You don't have to tell her that you consider this the first day of your new start, but YOU can think that way. I think she has been making baby steps towards you but you have been missing them because you were too afraid to trust her. (I don't blame you one bit, btw)
Maybe it's time for Blackie to make a baby step towards her?? Whaddya think?
After I confirmed I didn't have to go, I went to work. I'm up to my @#$ in alligators. It's possible I've been missing the baby steps and we'll see what she does when she comes home tonight. I do need to apologize for thinking she was up to something. I guess the DB way is to not mention that I had good reason to do so.
Maybe an opp will come up this weekend to do something. I haven't heard from her today but that's not a bad thing.
I'll try a baby step tonight after I see where her head is. I know she's waiting to see if I say I was wrong.
Hey Blackie, I think you are at a really critical stage right now. Whatever you do, put on a happy and loving face tonight. Even (and especially) if she tries to bait you into a fight tonight.
She is going to be testing you to see if she did the right thing by cancelling it. Don't give her reason to doubt her decision. Do not give in to the temptation to think about who is "right" and who is "wrong" here. Take the high road and be thankful and loving. The time will come when she will know and understand what she has done.
I never went outside my marriage but I can tell you that there are many things that I feel guilty about, in regards to how I treated my husband. I can see clearly now the things I did to make things worse between us. I couldn't then, though!! Give her time and be so awesome and loving that no one would be able to resist you.
Have a very tall glass of whatever your fancy is for today and put yourself in a relaxed and cheerful mood. Maybe even pour one for her when she gets home and toast to a new start.
I am very happy the W decided to pull the hearing. Now you can relax, take a deep breath, then DB your arse off. I will not offer any new advice, you look in very good hands with Honeypot, especially with the woman's POV.
Honeypot, you go girl!! Take care of my good amigo Blackrook (I know you will) and yourself.
Not much happened this weekend to speak of. W was acting very nice to me. More relaxed. In fact, one of the kids was saying mommy is acting more calm over the past couple days. They don't know about the hearing. The girl said "I don't want to hurt your feelings but mommy treats you like a roommate." I don't know where she got that from. She may have heard mommy talking about me to her friends and referencing me as the roommate. Who knows?
I was hoping to get something going Friday but the kids wouldn't leave the room and she fell asleep on me. Saturday, she worked and came while I was sleep. She talked a few minutes before her phone rang. Her brother's called in. So nothing there. Today's a waste as we're putting up the tree and her we have a visitor.
What am I venting about. Well, I've been trying to get into the spirit of the holiday. We aren't putting up our many ornaments this year because of the new dog. She was saying since my ornaments are still in the box, that's ok, I can take them with me. I just looked at her and told her I would be leaving them. She gave me some kind of look and asked why since they were gifts from her over the past 10 years. This wasn't DB but I told her I wouldn't want the memories around me and that's the truth. IF this goes through, she will be dead to me once the ink dries and she changes her mind. I know it's childish, but I won't want anything from her. She wants to be friends but after she changes her name, I won't want to be friends with someone who lied to God and me in front our friends and families. I can't trust that person and that's the basis of any friendship. I'm kind of mad because she pissed on my Christmas spirit. Rather than talking, I went outside to smoke and prayed for a happy DB face. I need to keep my sunny side up. I think I'll get a glass of holiday cheer. Her folks are on the way so I will need one. Over the years, I wasn't too much into them because of the things they've done to the W.
But, as quick as we moved into this house, they've changed. Perhaps trying to make up for the crap they did. Until this thing started, I didn't realize how much I do like them. I still need a drink because they talk more than my mom but still.....
To add to my feelings, D called me at work the other day asking could her buddy come over although no one was home. Her bud's folks are separated and they talk about that stuff which is cool. When she asks in a certain way, I know it's not play time but talk time. I never ask what the deal was. Just trust her. Well this time, she tells me. It seems her buddy will have to move because her parents are getting back together and working it out. That's good for their family, but the girls will have to separate. This will make the 3rd couple who was either divorced or separated who got back together. Why not me?????
Just venting and feeling sorry for myself. I'll snap out once I get some holiday cheer in me.
Quote: She was saying since my ornaments are still in the box, that's ok, I can take them with me. I just looked at her and told her I would be leaving them.
Seems to me that whenever she says stuff to you about the upcoming "D," you could take that as an opportunity to reaffirm to her that you don't want a D. In the above instance, you could say something to her like, "well, as I don't want a "D" I'm not really worried about taking them anywhere other than where they are right now."
Then move on.
It seems to me she says stuff like this to you all the time, and I'm wondering if it is just her way of feeling you out, to see if you really do or don't want a D. When you give non-committal answers, or answers like the one you gave above, it sounds to me like you are sending mixed signals, and I'm sure she's having a hard time figuring out what it is you really want. And I think what she truly wants from you is a consistent message, and reassurance that you really love her and you want your marriage to work.
Perhaps you're right Corri. I've never been in a place where I couldn't read someone and what they truly want. All my instincts are shut down not just with this sitch but in all areas. I think they call it self doubt..... My funk has increased a little bit. I just heard a Christmas song that has the lyrics "Christmas just ain't Christmas without the one you love." I heard another on with lyrics saying how great Christmas will be together. I had to go out on the deck and let the wind hit me in the face. I've never hated Christmas until now.
The tree's up and it looks great but.... Kids were all over me at dinner as W kept refering to me as honey. Ole BR is sure in a funk. I pray for strength to snap out of it tonight. At least work will be fun with secret Santa going on. It'll be cool to see what one of the ladies get a 6 foot 2 280lb(getting leaner by the day I might add)for a present. I'm looking forward to that and rolling out my rum balls. I've done this forever in an effort to sneak booze into the work place. I guess I do have something to look forward to. Maybe I'll watch It's A Wonderful Life. That's my show and this year I feel like George Bailey.
'nuff of this. Sorry to dump but I would rather do it here.
Corri. The other day, I considered what you said with half a mind. Today I'm using more of a mind. W is sending mixed signals to say the least. Over the past several days, she's been very nice to me. I have the secret Santa thing going on. She's doing all kinds of things for me to take in which surprises me. Yesterday, she put a great gift together for change. It was cool so I gave her a hug. She returned it this time. One handed but she didn't just stand there like the past few months.
I asked her if she wanted to go to my Christmas party yesterday. I didn't get a straight no. What she did ask was when was it. I told her and she said she was most likely working and why did I wait to the last minute. I told her about it before. I guess I didn't ask her however.
I had something to do last night on her night off but I got the grub together. The night before, I told her I wouldn't be in. I detected a little note of dissapointment. I detected that when I left last night. I hope I'm not reading her wrong. I'm thinking of a big sign as we speak.
Quote: I'm looking forward to that and rolling out my rum balls. I've done this forever in an effort to sneak booze into the work place. I guess I do have something to look forward to. Maybe I'll watch It's A Wonderful Life. That's my show and this year I feel like George Bailey.
My fave is Harvey. Perhaps you may see him after one too many of those rum balls. Keep going you'll win thru in the end
