Have you asked her why it is still on the calendar? Tell her that you are not checking up on her but that you haven't received anything in the mail and thought you'd better check it out. Make up a story about your lawyer and paperwork, or whatever you can think of.
The validating thing...well, I don't think it is a matter of laying down and taking heaps of bull-oney from her, but rather you indicating that you hear what she is saying. If nothing else, simply say "I hear what you're saying." As opposed to arguing or telling her your side of things.
I agree with you on the deception. That is a despicable thing to do to another person. I hope with all my heart that this is not what's happening.
