Barb, And another filter that I tried to run things through was if the action I wanted to take would get me closer to my goal.
I'm trying to get out a lot of my stress/anger/sadness by writing letters to H. When I have the letter just right, I take some time and ask myself why I want to say these things to him. Is it just to make me feel better? To make him feel bad? If so, I either file the letter or shred it (my shredder is getting quite a workout), but I don't give it to him. I'm trying to use the same filter when I speak to him - if whatever I want to say is only because I want to feel better or make him feel bad, then I make a mental note to write it down later but I try to keep my mouth shut. This is HARD, and I've found myself arguing internall that "he NEEDS to hear this", but he doesn't, because it's like the words just kind of slide off him. Actions are what matter. For me, the action is being civil and polite even though I want to scalp him. For you, the action is that you set a boundary that his behavior was unacceptable, and you are sticking to it.
