She's either struggling with OM again or she's being insensitive to you.
I'm not convinced that the situation can actually be seen as so black or white. When someone has been completely addicted to something/someone for some time, has become habituated to taking a "hit" of fantasizing about/calling/texting, etc, them whenever they feel depression washing over themselves, is it realistic to expect them not to struggle over the next several months as they try to create new pathways in their minds? It takes a minimum of 2 years to repair a damaged marriage, and people who have given up their OP describe a gradual fading of the importance of that person only as the marriage gathers strength to replace him/her.
In my experience, the spouse who has ended the affair is not properly capable of being "sensitive" to the other spouse's pain for some time--they are feeling too damaged by (as in Lotus' example) falling off the mountain to be able to see beyond their own wounds, broken bones, flashbacks, etc.
In addition, as my H said at one point, "I don't know if you can trust me. First I have to learn to trust myself again."
This doesn't mean there won't be a time for all these talks, as they do need to happen; however, I feel that Lotus's advice is the best way to proceed for the moment.
