So scared

[barbsing1]

A bit of back-history - H dropped ILYBNILWY bomb in 3/10. Discovered EA/possible PA with first ex-wife 7/10. H moves out late 8/10 then asks to move back in mid 9/10. Says he wants to try one more time to see if he can love me. Find out he contacts ex wife within one week of moving back. I confront him after finding nasty photos she sends of self in 10/10. Tell him to leave and then back down. He shares in mid 10/10 he will tell her he can no longer talk to her because it's not "fair" to anyone. Find out he texts her 3 days later - I tell him to get out he says no - I tell him I will file and get a writ of possession. He backs down, apologizes. Still not willing to work on R. I let him stay. Many ups and downs - he promises not to contact her again. Found out yesterday from mutual friend of MIL that MIL has been saying horrible things behind my back, after telling me she hates ex-wife and will never accept her. I thought I could trust her. H comes home, acting weird. I assume he has talked to her. Called his bluff - he said no. I tell him to prove it to me by showing me his call history. He then tries to blame me for spying. Told him I did not (which is true). He goes to call history and there it is - a call to her. I tell him it's me or her. Choose now. He says it's not about her- the choice is "you or not you". So I then ask him to make his choice, regardless. He asks what I will do about his choice. I tell him I will proceed with a D. He says he has tried so hard but just doesn't love me. That he doesn't have hope for us. I tell him to get his things and go. He says he doesn't want to leave during the holidays - doesn't want to be the kind of dad that leaves during the holiday. I tell him if he wants to stay, he must cease all contact with ex wife until he leaves after holidays. He says he will not let me control his life and says he can't do that. I get up and tell him I no longer care what he does. Do what you want, when you want. I don't care. I go upstairs - he stands in hallway, not moving. I brush past him - he follows me and says he is so sorry for hurting me. I say nothing other then 'please leave me alone". He gathers his things and says he is going to his mom's house. And then he leaves.

I stuck to my guns. He now knows I will proceed with D. But I am so scared. I wonder if I did the right thing. As per the Divorce Remedy, I shouldn't have said anything about my suspicions regarding the call - this will push him closer to his ex-wife. Please help!