I am trying. Believe me. I have made great strides compared to where I was a month ago. I still have more to go, I know that. I realize that a lot of people here would kill to be in my shoes - W is still living with me, we talk every day, she calls and txt me during the day. She still says she loves me and just wants everything to return to normal i.e. me getting over my depression and making positive changes. She's never given me the ILYBNILWY speech. But the way she sees it I've done some horrible things b/c of the depression issue. I can't changes those things. She is mad at me because of those things and says that she is tired of trying to get over those and doesn't have the energy any more. (I think she does though). She thinks divorce would mean that she wouldn't have to. But she also say a lot of things that would seem she doesn't really want it. I told her my changes might be too little too late and she got mad at me saying, "I don't know that, you don't know that. Stop saying that." She gets really upset when she thinks about even temporary separation. But she hasn't take divorce off the table for now.
Even though we had a fight last night, I took a lot of positive things from it. First she was even willing to fight about it, I'd be scared if she didn't really care anymore, a lot of what she said in the fight was about wanting to stay together. But a lot of it was her still being very angry with me. Yet this morning the first thing she did when she got up was come into the room where I was changing our son and give me a kiss.
I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, getting better, taking care of the kids, and being a full partner for her. She says she wants someone who's got her back. I know I can be that guy again. I hope she does too. It will take time.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
