How do I deal with now he's overseas?

[ericmsant2]

Piano,

I think our little girls will understand what we went through. When the time comes, we will talk about it. When they are older.

Remember this….what YOU do NOW will impact YOUR future.

My Dad left us, and I love him and need him. He's helping me through my own sitch now.

Proof of what I said up there ^^^^

Both parents are needed.[./quote]
Yep – just remember who YOU can control and SPEND no time trying to control someone who right now does not want to be controlled.


[quote] give me so much to think about, and comfort too. Thank you.

Your welcome….remember to pay it forward.

Codependent No More are what I'm reading at the moment.

Excellent read!

I cannot believe your own Dad left 20 bucks on the table - that's about as inadequate as it gets.

In all things in life it is how WE deal with it that matters. I could CHOOSE to be a victim OR CHOOSE not to – either way…cool thing is that it is MY CHOICE.

You were only 23 when your first child was born? Well, 23 is so young... you had an excuse, and you are making up for it.

Yes you are right, 23 is young. “excuse”…Yes I lived my life that way for a long time….very long. Matter of fact it is one of the reason that my M went down the chitter (MLC craziness aside). Please remember one thing…”excuses”, “justification”, “reasons”, etc. ALL can be used to keep us from looking inside and accepting what is. Piano, take this time that you have and learn YOU and I mean really learn you (even those crappy parts that we all have). Try as best as you can to never give yourself and “Out” from becoming what you have always wanted to be. Let me give you an example: I can sit here and tell you that W is banging her supervisor and that by viture of HER ACTIONS I am justified in throwing her as* out. I could also sit herd and play the victim and say to myself “whoa is me”. Which one aligns with who I have become? Neither. I have said before that I am just living my life the best way I can. My choices are NOW made from a place of peace, love and compassion with the goal to continue to become the best man I can be. Not for HER – nope – for ME and my kids. So, whatever you do, file, try to reconcile, stand, choose not to stand – MAKE SURE that you are doing what YOU feel keeps you true to who YOU really are. When you do this…..that “internal happiness” will be felt like never before. Why? Cause you will have found yourself!

My H is 40. He has a lot of work to do. He is trying to do better that his own father. I guess that's how it often starts out...

I have often heard that people cannot change. I totally disagree. Having said this, YOUR H may come around on of these days. You though Piano should be busy living your life, enjoying it, having fun, enjoying the little bundle of joy that will grow up faster than you can imagine. Never give up on your H as a “person” or “human being” – At the same time, do not stop and wait. Cool thing about all of this…..is that one day you will really understand that everything, your life, your M..everything in your life is a CHOICE that you make.

I will open doors, but only in so much that it doesn't hurt me.

Very good move! AKA….detach lovingly. YOUR D will need your emotional health, which if impacted by YOUR H’s actions are not good for you or her.

To begin with, I might only open it up a crack, then a bit more as I get stronger.

Go at a pace that YOU feel comfortable with. F*ck how your H feels right now. Make this about YOU FIRST.

God Bless,
Eric