Sandi... As much as I denied it before I'm thinking you are right about the OW in my EA's life. From these forums, I suspect his jealousy and questions about OM were just transference from juggling OW himself. Also, after creeping his FB page it's hard not to notice all of his young, beautiful FB friends, and one possible hookup (months ago, before we were EA) on the Chess community FB page. I was so pathetic I PM'd other woman (after inviting her to a game) if OM was a player? Yes, I sunk so low... Ugh, that's when I knew the live addiction chemicals had hijacked my brain & actions!!!
So... Sandi, your wisdom rings true, much ad I hate to admit it, I must.
Going in for Lasik eye surgery this morning!!! Keep me in your prayers and please, ease keep the feedback coming. Tell me the WORST stories about how degrading this is... I may not be able to type back much, but am looking for your posts instead pathological need to hear from OM.
Will get time with H today! Actually gave him a good, close hug this morning in the kitchen this morning and that close, physical contact felt wonderful!! Still have a ways to go to tell him more of my specific needs, but I'm working on it, and hoping it won't take the pain of revealing EA to get him to respond.
One thing this has shown me, this EA started about the time I wrote a note to myself. ... I want a close, healthy relationship with somebody! No more separate bedrooms !!!! I hope it's my H, and realize it's not OM, but I need to get to that point before I die, because after re-reading Anna Karenia last summer I empathized much too closely with her feelings of hopelessness, despair and wanting to die. I don't want to go back to that place... But also not going to stay where I am and lose my dignity! So, I am trying to move forward to create a passionate, fulfilling life for myself, and hopefully with H.
Urges were slightly easier last night... GW your posts are SO helpful! FMV, I hope you are doing OK...feeling your bumpy patch:( and sending you a (((Hug))). Sandi, I know it's hsrd to look back, nut you probably see all this most clearly of alll...
I appreciate you all SO much!!! Another day begins, hopefully a successful one.
