Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Wow Lotus, those were great words.

First, you have to build the trust in your heart, not her. Tough, huh?

Yes and I have not at this point...not at all really.

And secondly, you are both the walking wounded. Try not to think of it as she made a mistake and inflicted wounds on you. Think of it as you were mountain climbing, roped together, and she fell and took you down with her. It takes the blame out of it.

This one I get and I realize...I really do. I know I made mistakes along the way. But I wonder if sometimes I still come across as blaming...I don't think I do but thanks for pointing that out to make sure I keep focus on that.

What you do want is to build some good times together. Drama and painful emotion-free good times. It doesn't need to be a second honeymoon.

This we are having some tough times with. We had the honeymoon period already. But it appears to me that I am the only one that makes any effort towards getting this done. I realize I am going to have to lead and carry the burden, but it gets tough sometimes.

And lastly the negative thoughts is my vice right now. The last couple of weeks plus this trip brought that out in me too, where my mind takes off with negative thoughts and it always revolves around her and OM starting it up again.

That is the big elephant in the room right now. She knows that is what I am concerned with. I know that she has at least considered it.

So, do I ask...do I ask her if she and OM were in contact on this trip?