Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

Yes I obviously need to get those books, although I'm not exactly sure when I will have a chance to actually read them without my wife knowing or letting other people in my life know that we are having issues.

If I'm second guessing it's because I'm still trying to remind myself to be realistic - it's also me trying to focus on being happy regardless of my marriage situation. I don't NEED my wife to make me happy...I need to make me HAPPY!!

I'm trying to slow things down, trying to breath more. All day at work it's all I can think about, and it's hard not to breakdown sometimes - it also makes it hard to focus on my work...but I'm trying.

I'm already noticing a small change in my wife just in the last 2 days (since if stopped chasing her) she has been talking to me more (and I do my best to just listen and not argue) she actually smiled a couple of times yesterday (which actually made me feel good) and I haven't gone on my computer at all during the last week and it's giving me a renewed sense of life. I really trying to focus on my self-image, be a positive and thoughtful person, dress nice, shower everyday and shave regularly.

Whenever my kids or W are around me I do everything I can do to think of them first, do what I should do - not what I feel like doing.

I also told my W that I am going to sit down with my parents, but I'm not going to go at with about my wife. I'm going to try and address the issues I have with them and things that they are doing that are causing problems in my wife. Obviously eventually I need to address the lack of respect issues they have for my W and her mother - but I think it's most important to make it about ME. If they truly care, and love me they will want to fix it. Although I love them and respect my parents deeply, being the oldest child in my family I've always felt and additional burden of wanting my parents to be really proud of me - and when I was younger that's all that was ever on my mind - I never questioned them. I'm much more mature now and I think that with them getting older and dealing with 2 younger more bold sons I think it's something that can be worked out for the positive. I'm just really asshamed that I let it go on for so long.

My wife really seemed to respect my attitude and approach about, but did still have to throw in "it's about time, it's something you should have done a long time ago". Regardless, she's right and whether I was scared or immature it really doesn't matter now - it HAS to be done. This will also likely help improve some of my self-confidence issues.

When it comes to thoughtful and caring, I'm trying to be jsut that. I'm trying to pay more attention to the things that effect people so that I can react in a compassionate and thoughtful way. On the weekend my W was complaining that her hands were sore and dry. So it got me thinking about what I could do to help. I went to Spa place close to our home, and they had a "dry hand manicure" which involves a standard manacure and special treatment for dry skin. I was contemplainting giving it to her immediately, but I don't want her to perceive it the wrong way. So I attempted to "sneak" it in the house, and she saw me and asked what I was doing. So I just respond nothing as I went up and stairs and said I would be down in a minute. Unfortunately when I comedown she says "Buying gifts for your girlfriend?". I said "Of course not", I said if you need to know it's something I got for you, but I didn't think it was the right time to give it too you. She backed down then but of course had to give a smart remark to close "You can't buy my love"...uhhhhh

These minor setbacks aside I feel like my own changes are making a difference for me and also appear to be slowing effecting my W positively - so it's a win/win as far as I am concerned.

I'm not sure how busy I am to make myself, but tonight my wife works, and I have a hockey game so I won't see her at all today and she works tomorrow Saturday and Sunday, and I have plans to go out with a couple of my best friends on Saturday night. My focus during the day on Saturday and Sunday will be all about the kids.

Thanks for everyone's comments and concern, I really appreciated and hope you all understand even though I don't know you - you are helping me so much!!!