yes and no. Discuss, OK....Make your point. Nag, no.
It will take a long time to build the trust. You can tell her today and tomorrow and the next day, and you will sound like a broken record. But it won't build trust. For two reasons. First, you have to build the trust in your heart, not her. Tough, huh? She can act trustworthy, that's true. But trustworthiness takes a long time to prove. If you wait for the trustworthiness to inspire the trust in your heart, it will be June before you get started. So you can't wait. You have to say, "Wife, you know what I need. I am going to trust you to do it." And then you have to leave it alone and let the trust and the trustworthiness build simultaneously.
And secondly, you are both the walking wounded. Try not to think of it as she made a mistake and inflicted wounds on you. Think of it as you were mountain climbing, roped together, and she fell and took you down with her. It takes the blame out of it. And you need to take the blame out. Because this is a growth experience for both of you. And if you recover from it, you become stronger as individuals and as a couple. But you have to help her heal too.
Some spouses get discouraged the the task of reconciling is too big, the damage too great. They convince themselves that it's easier to sever the relationship and start fresh elsewhere. This comes from negative self-talk. But just as you have problems with negative self-talk, so does she. And you don't want to feed it.
What you do want is to build some good times together. Drama and painful emotion-free good times. It doesn't need to be a second honeymoon. Lunch out sometimes, going to church as a family, holidays together, family outings, all of these things will build you up more than discussions of hurt feelings and recriminations.
Retrouvaille will be the time to have those discussions. They will lead you through them. They will take you into that dark woods and they will lead you out. If at all possible, save the discussions for January. Build the time together with no blame now.
