WAW The cold & cruel truth 2

[sandi2]

I agree with Bond, and also it depends on what "dating" means to you. When I was dating, it meant dinner & a movie. If it means "sex" with OP, then you might need to be very careful......in more ways than one. Your heart is fragile, plus you don't want some crazy woman boiling some bunny on your stove..... But, if you are at the point of using good judgment......you decide... It's more of a personal decision most folks make.

Now, with all of that said, there have been several who did start dating and it did have positive results......but not everyone.

[25yearsmlc]

re dating --I echo what Bond and sandi2 said. Full Honesty with the OP is mandatory from the get go.

In your sitch, maybe more than others, I see the possibility it would awaken your w but I just don't know if that is what YOU will want.
What did you mean that FB ruined your m? Was that on your end or hers?

Just hoping if it was your end, that you've learned from it. If you were to recon with your w tomorrow what would be different about you?

And her? If you can say "m today would be way different now b/c of 'x' and 'y', that's good. But....If you cannot say anything would be really different, than you need to keep the work on you going, and you need to be realistic about your w;s efforts, or lack thereof. Make sense?

[Blessed2BeADad]

Actually I was referring to W, she uses it to contact OMs. I think alot is dif about me, actually has been for the past year, but since she left I have also made changes. I can't say my W has made a single change, because of that I'd say it would be pointless to think it would work out at this point even if she came back. She still exhibits anger toward me, and based on my past efforts, faithfulness, being good to her, etc. It makes ZERO sense. So I'd say although I have changed, the marriage would be the same because she gas not. It would be the same song and dance... Me making the effort and her thinking she doesn't need to change and her mentality would probably still be, as she has said before, "me simply being here is trying enough".

[MrBond]

I was in your shoes a couple of years ago. I thought my W would never soften up, etc.

Lately she's been very nice and has acted like her old self when we first married. I know my changing has changed her. We don't argue, we are more than friendly with each other and she's starting to open up a little more with each interaction.

For me it's taken ALOT of time and patience.

[25yearsmlc]

Actually I was referring to W, she uses it to contact OMs. I think alot is dif about me, actually has been for the past year, but since she left I have also made changes. I can't say my W has made a single change, because of that I'd say it would be pointless to think it would work out at this point even if she came back. She still exhibits anger toward me, and based on my past efforts, faithfulness, being good to her, etc. It makes ZERO sense. So I'd say although I have changed, the marriage would be the same because she gas not. It would be the same song and dance... Me making the effort and her thinking she doesn't need to change and her mentality would probably still be, as she has said before, "me simply being here is trying enough".

If she continues to believe that being there is "trying", you're screwed. Perhaps by example you'll show that trying means lot more than that. Sorry but I don't have anything else for you with that symptom. It is truly blind of her.
j

[Blessed2BeADad]

Yes and exactly why I feel hopeless.

[25yearsmlc]

fwiw, my h told me the same thing a few years back. And yet, here we are.

[Blessed2BeADad]

This last week has seemed like an eternity. W and I bumped heads a little over kids being hurt when with her... Minor things but considering they are rarely with her it's concerning. I mentioned to her that they were hurt and I would appreciate if she kept me informed when they are instead of dropping them and running off without a word. Of course she got upset and accused me of scanning them for injuries... Actually my D6 told me of her cut and my D18mo falling off a bunk bed and then I scanned. At any rate, she started flipping out on emails, which I ignored. Her last email said she was blocking me from sending emails... Our only way to communicate... She then indicated we would be using a notebook to write messages re the kids. The next morning she handed it to me. I said I am not hand writing messages in today's day in age, when email is effective and faster. I told her I didn't want to fight and just wanted to be informed about the kids. She agreed and moved my car into the car port for me, which was as nice as she's been for a while.

That night she asked about switching vehicles... I told her she needed to because I was going out and likely sleeping somewhere else that night. She immediately said she would switch in the morning ad if to ruin my plans. She seemed angry, parked the suv in the middle of the alley and drove off like a madman. I can only suspect she was stressed or angry I was going out. I can't see why shed be pissed I was going out since she still doesn't want me.

The day following my outing... The morning she still looked pissed... I was upbeat and pleasant... Switched kids went inside. She pulls around to the front knocks on door... Tried to hand me a $35 check for wraparound (aftercare for our D3). It's complicated, but she agreed to pay the entire $210 since I paid something else. I told her that was not the deal, I wouldn't accept and we could deal with lawyers on it. She emailed some drama, I responded with a short message regarding the initial agreement and told her I wasn't going to discuss money issues with her.

[Blessed2BeADad]

So early today she begins emailing about the wraparound bill again... I responded with a firm your paying that bill and that is final. She kept emailing, and I stopped responding. She was complaining about me not paying her the first child support payment, which has not yet been decided. I advised her before that I would provide her payment when the findl amount is decided and MY lawyer instructed me to. Her last email, "So if I pay the wraparound, will you shut your mouth and pay me my child support" Huh?! She wasakibg an issue about it and she actually brought it up. Unreal. She later dropped the kids off just before 2pm... She was outside HONKING the horn... I didn't rush out... She was early and I was on the phone with someone. I went outside still on the phone and on time... Didn't pay her any attention. She peels away in the other car. Childish. I really don't get it. I DO NOT discuss US, no real interest right now to be honest. She's been trying to bait me into flipping out on email, I have not. Been going out, having real fun, looking good, dressing well, smiling. No reason for her to act the way she is... Previously she ignored me snd acted that way because I pursued her... Definitely NOT doing that. I think she's pissed because the money situation is NOT what she plannned at all. I doubt it had anything to do with me moving on, but who knows. Does not make sense... But then again never really has.

[Rob1971]

. I think she's pissed because the money situation is NOT what she plannned at all. I doubt it had anything to do with me moving on, but who knows. Does not make sense... But then again never really has.

She's pissed because this isn't the way this fantasy of hers was supposed to work out. You were supposed to stay devastated and crushed for ever. She was supposed to be happy and free of you (except for the money of course).

Now it's turning out differently, her sad and bitter (and poor) and you pulling your life together