How long have you two been married? Are you fairly conservative or open? Has he had a "problem" with that before? I guess I'm trying to figure out what your tolerance is.
From your basic post, it didn't sound like he had an addiction. Just someone who was curious.
Bond.. she said he "can't STOP".. that's an addiction isnt' it? Do you actually expect a pornography addict to hold his hand up and say "Hey I'm an addict, just in case you were wondering..."
Did you MISS that little but important clue?
Originally Posted By: marmie
He apologized and promised he'd nevr do it again. and well, guess what? he can't stop. he looks so ashamed and i feel bad that im making him feel bad
Pornography addiction, or more broadly overuse of pornography, is excessive pornography use that interferes with daily life. There is no diagnosis of pornography addiction in the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), and as with the broader proposed diagnosis of sexual addiction, there is debate as to whether or not the behaviors indicate a behavioral addiction.
Pornography addiction is diagnosed when an individual engages in the overuse or abuse of pornography to the extent that they experience negative consequences. In 1990 Aviel Goodman proposed a general definition of all types of addictions in order to extend the specific disorders included in the DSM-III-R. While not explicitly in the context of pornography, Goodman explains his criteria for addiction as a "process whereby a behavior, that can function both to produce pleasure and to provide escape from internal discomfort, [and] is employed in a pattern characterized by (1) failure to control the behavior (powerlessness) and (2) continuation of the behavior despite significant negative consequences (unmanageability)."
Pornography addiction is defined, by those who argue that it exists, as a dependence upon pornography, characterized by obsessive viewing, reading, and thinking about pornography and sexual themes to the detriment of other areas of ones own life.
Some psychologists and sex therapists (for example Kimberly Young, and Victor Cline) have proposed stages in pornography addiction. Rory C. Reid and Dan Gray note that the stages need not be sequential and not all individuals experience all stages.
Serial killer Ted Bundy stated that his pornography addiction went through stages. As a boy he reported seeing softcore pornography, and that he later viewed hardcore pornography and violent pornography. Ben Shapiro, in his book Porn Generation: How Social Liberalism Is Corrupting Our Future, claimed that this played an influencing role in Bundy's crimes. However, Alexander Barnes Dryer, in his review of the book for The New Republic states that it was difficult to cite just one flaw with the book, as there were so many.
In November 2004, a panel of experts testified before a US Senate subcommittee. Proponents of the addiction model argued that exposure to kinky sexual practices by means of pornography lead the watchers to "cross over". Skeptics disagreed with that conclusion, pointing to the lack of scientific evidence.
Psychologists who see pornography as addictive may consider online, often Internet, pornography more addictive than ordinary pornography because of its wide availability, explicit nature, and the privacy that online viewing offers. Some claim that "addicts" regularly spend extended periods of time searching the internet for new or increasingly hardcore pornography.
Some clinicians and support organizations recommend voluntary Internet filter (content control) use, internet monitoring, or both, to manage online pornography use.
Sex researcher Alvin Cooper and colleagues suggested several reasons for using filters as a therapeutic measure, including curbing accessibility that facilitates problematic behavior and encouraging clients to develop coping and relapse prevention strategies. Cognitive therapist Mary Anne Layden suggested that filters may be useful in maintaining environmental control. Internet behavior researcher David Delmonico noted that, despite their limitations, filters may serve as a "frontline of protection."
Dr. Patrick Carnes*, a pioneer in sexual addiction research, has outlined four core beliefs common in most sexual addicts. They usually result from growing up in a dysfunctional family, especially one with rigid rules, little warmth and affirmation, abandonment, and sexual or emotional abuse. The core beliefs are the following: I am basically a bad, unworthy person, No one would love me as I am, My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others, Sex is my most important need. The root of sexual addiction usually begins in childhood. Carnes writes, "When a child's exploration of sexuality goes beyond discovery to routine self-comforting because of the lack of human care, there is potential for addiction. Sex becomes confused with comforting and nurturing. For example, a lonely and abused 13 year old finds comfort in masturbation and pornography. More and more, he or she uses that for solace. As years go by, the type of sexual acting out may change. It can involve promiscuity, affairs, visiting massage parlors or prostitutes, and even viewing child pornography."
Effective treatment for pornography addiction includes therapy, 12 step support groups, education and medication when needed for co-occurring anxiety or depression. How to overcome these addictions by using recovery programs, for example an effective method would be the use of online programs anonymously
