Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! The X just brought the kids home 30 mins late, with no phone call. I called both of his cell phones and left messages before the kids got home, but he doesn't have the balls to pick up the phone. And to top it off my sons homework isn't done but he did spend almost 2 hours playing video games.....Call of Duty, which is rated Mature and my sone is 11. That man makes me crazy. And I want to fire off a nasty e-mail to him....but I am going to cool down before I say anything.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I planned on waiting til today then writing a calm e-mail....but didn't even do that. The truth is he knows he was wrong, that's why he didn't answer either of his cell phones, and never acknowledged my calls. And this incident happened after this past weekend, when my son's finger seems to have been broken and nothing was done about it.
From what I can gather it happenedd Saturday evening when he was at one of X's friends houses, and X did nothing about it. Didn't take him to the ER, or even an urgent care. He didn't even let me know until abiut a half an hour before he ws supposed to be bringing my son home, which he was about 30 minutes late for that night also. And when we called about it he said he would take son to an orthopedic doctor the next day....big surprise that never happened. Nothing ever changes with my X.....he was a crappy husband and he is a crappy ex-husband. Sadly he is becoming a crappy father too....part of which I lay fault with the new Mrs. X. She is self-centered and he is becoming even more self-centered than he already was. Sad really....hard to believe I ever loved and respected him. Now I pity him. I would hate to be him...and am glad he is not a relevant part of my life anymore.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Surf, BND. Just surf. If you react, it keeps the bond going. The best advice I ever got was from a friend who told me not to say ANYTHING to XH unless it had one of the kids' names in it. Its helping a LOT.
My X does the same thing--let's them watch R rated movies and has no control. I just tell my kids that we have different rules in our houses. That their dad makes the rules at his house, and I make them at mine. You can't control what happens over there, anyway, so don't even try. You are completely and utterly wasting your breath. Just make sure that on your watch, things are consisent and mature--but still let yourself have fun with them. For homework, you have to emphasize to the kids that it is their reponsibility and that you can't supervise it on the days they go to their dad's because there isn't time.
Then you can inform X that your son won't turn in his homework tomorrow...and that you will tell the teacher to contact him directly if there are problems because of that. Period. Then I'd ask the teacher for help and explain the situation. I bet she will be more than happy to send off a few e-mails to tell your X that its a problem when homework isn't completed as assigned.
Its so frustrating!!! Interesting thing my 10 year old told me the other day. He said he had a lot of advice for divorced parents and one thing is not to "let your kids go." I asked him what he meant, and he said his friend's mom (who is divorced) lets him play M videogames all day in the basement, and gives him whatever he wants, let's him eat as much candy as he wants, and that he swears and is rude to her. This is actually a really nice kid--but you can see that he is begging for some structure.
Surf, BND. Just surf. If you react, it keeps the bond going. The best advice I ever got was from a friend who told me not to say ANYTHING to XH unless it had one of the kids' names in it. Its helping a LOT.
Yep, one of the best things I did for myself was "drop the rope." Whenever something like this happens my immediate response is to want to fire off a nasty e-mail. But I wait at least 12 hours....and never end up sending it. I have to ask myself do I really want to engage the X in this battle....do I want to go down that cheeseless tunnel. NOPE! He is never going to admit he is wrong....even though I am pretty sure he knows he is wrong....and that's good enough. He doesn't answer the phone cuz he is afraid or embarassed or ashamed or whatever he is...but he's not man enough to answer the phone, and I can live with that! LOL
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
He wasn't man enough to stick through the bumps of marriage and to raise his children, so he's probably embarassed. My X is also a "chicken" and sticks his head in the sand if he's been a "bad boy". There's a lot of regression with divorce!
