It makes me feel sad and angry to think that throughout my relationship I have tried to work with my partner to help him feel loved and connected - to the point where it had the complete opposite effect for me, instead of loving him more deeply, I love him less (if you can even measure love). ...
Do you think the interactions with your H could be coined an aversion? If so, a good read for that is on another website which I am not going to mention because it may be against the forum rules? and I want to keep things clean, but if you go google "how to overcome sexual aversion" you will find what I am talking about. They do go through some ideas for you to try, stages of relaxation and meditation which you must practice daily!
I liked the analogy mentioned about if your boss yells at you every time you go to the water cooler, you will find yourself being tense every time you drink water at the cooler. It's not the drinking (sex) that is making you tense. It's your association of the water (sex) and boss's yelling (H's impatient demands) that triggers your reaction.
I have no idea if this is helpful to you in your situation, but it may help you gain understanding. It may give you ideas to try and a plan for yourself to follow to improve yourself if you can't get your husband on board.
