What's da haps, man?

[ImprovedRomeo]

STBX says that "it's too late" for us to go back since we've already plopped $ down for Ls so we should just go thru with it.

Nice! so in his mind $5k is worth killing off the M? The only time I'd say this to STBXW is if I was *very* skeptical that anything would be different in the future and we'll be D'ing again in a few months. For a M or a R to work both people have to be 100% committed, failure is not an option. So take this as a huge red-flag. Why would you want to be with someone and potentially start a family with someone who is not 100% committed and can potentially do this again in the future? Do you want to go through this experience again (potentially with kids?)- of course not! trust me!

That after all is said and done that we can work on our relationship, after the D, that is, and we won't have the
'responsibility of M' looming over us... that we could even move in right together after everything is finalized

He really is delusional that you can be his live in girlfriend so he can be free to have you when he wants you and not when he doesn't. So selfish. There's no other reason in my mind that someone would want a gf over M. It's the freedom, no committment and convenient sex- hey best of both worlds!

Oh and he's not seeing anyone until the D is finalized but he said later he thinks he'll sleep with other women just to sleep with them...yet he also wants you to move in soon after the D too. Wow sounds like a bluepring for a personal theme park he's building in his head.

Sol, I don't know if you plan to have kids but it's not a walk in the park and even the best of marriages are challenged when a kid comes into the picture. If he thinks M is a responsibility that he feels is 'looming over his head' then how would he feel about the much greater responsibiltiies in the future- potentially?

"If you really care about me, Sol, you'll stop seeing/hanging out with other people [in the interim]"

Sure H, let me get right on that for you while in return you award me with a D. Is there anything else I can do for you since you're giving me what every woman dreams of? So selfish. I would've said 'D is not the end of our M, it's the end of us. I WILL NOT be there when our M is gone. It's the end of everything we ever had together'. And... 'If you care about me then you'll stop the D, take me on a second honey moon to Bora Bora, renew our vows, buy me a new diamond ring and maybe I'll think about breaking off contact with other guys. As Beyonce' would say You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute...'

Um, what? This sounds like BS to me. I do not want CRUMBS. If I wanted CRUMBS I would just find me a sidepiece for occasional fun and call it a day. It's a M, not a thing you end to then later work on a R w/o a dang M anymore to speak of.

Anyone else think this sounds crazy?

He wants his D, he can have it. But it seems insulting to me to tell me that after we have a D, then we can work on our relationship. Like I'm not good enough to be a wife but I'm good enough to live w/? Whaaat?

You're answering your own questions here Sol and yes you're right on. I know it's hard but you're seeing things more clearly for yourself. I wish I had something earth shattering to say here but I don't. I just wish you (as well as a few other ladies here) would detach and get over your H. Going dark is a start to help you detach but detachment is the goal. When his words don't reel you back in everytime he says something to you is when you know you've detached.