Its not backing off. Its the pursuing you do not want to do. Its the pressure of doing so that turns the spouse off.

You want to work on yourself and become the catnip. You want your spouse to come to you. Be attractive, be the man/woman your spouse wants to come to.

Me 31 Wife 34
(Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6
Married 3/3/01
Separated 6/4/10
Bomb 6/14/10
Served 6/22/10
EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10
Now Back Together 8/1/10