"Big bro" was not that involved as a dad while married. He loved his d and all, but he just wasn't hands on at all, and called for help for the smallest things. My ex sil could barely go shopping or take a shower without my big bro asking her for help with their d.
Sounds a lot like my H…
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So he got a divorce from a great woman. And then my big bro had one on one time with his d, for actually the first time in her life. I hate to admit this, but in reality, my bro had more time with his d AFTER the divorce than he did while married. Sad, but true. They bonded in ways that might not have happened otherwise. Oh he invited his siblings and our children to help him out a lot, that's for sure. But still, for HIM, his daddy time was exponentially increased over what it would have been if he'd always been able to dump it on his ex.
Oh look, there he is again!
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Fast forward. My ex sil remarried a wonderful man who is a hands on guy who's been a great step dad. My niece loves him. She also loves her dad, my bro. But the day to day life is with her mother and step dad. That's my brother's loss, NOT HERS...hope you can see that for my niece, the divorce gave her an involved step dad, and a more involved dad, than marriage between her parents would have. For her, I think the divorce was a net positive, as horrible as that sounds. Make sense? I mean, I actually think she benefitted, GIVEN that my bro wasn't the greatest dad in the first place. (It definitely benefitted my ex sil. She's much happier with her "new" h than she would ever have been with my bro. I'm sad to admit that but it's the truth. He did her a favor. (Maybe it applies to your sitch to an extent?)
Things just may work out that way. Any future R for me will be with someone who is willing to step up to the roll of daddy. If H can do it great, but I am thinking my future may look a lot more like your SIL’s. As of right now, H has lost his chance to “just come home.” If he changed his mind, and I am not expecting him to, he would have to work for it.
As for my alone time, I am going to make good use of it. So far it has already helped me be a better mom and to get back in touch with who I want to be. If I finish school and work hard at my job, I can dig myself out of this. I am not going to be OK, I am going to be amazing!
