Not to quibble, but why are you asking IC for what is actually LEGAL advice? Why not leave that to the L? We're not all monsters and since you actually like yours, let them do their job. There's nothing worse than getting conflicting advice from professionals and some who are not in the same field. I mean, if the L gives you psych advice, and it conflicted with the IC's I would say go for what the IC says. Similarly, if the L says do "x", and the IC disagrees, please do as the L says. I am hoping you don't set yourself up for conflict between them, and more painful confusion for you. It also sets THEM up for possible failure. Know what I mean?
I do like my L and will defer to her when it comes to the legal stuff. There are two reasons for me to go to my IC first though. First is cost. My L gave me lots of info during my consultation and told me where to go for free legal info, but this could very likely lead to bankruptcy for me. H has unrealistic views of the money situation. It is will be extremely difficult for either of us to be able to cover our bills, let alone the (for now small) debt H has piled up. Even making him pay legal fees isn’t helpful. This is kind of a question of how do you get blood out of a turnip?
My second reason is I don’t want to waste time asking for things that are not going to help my D3. One example would be a morality clause. My L says they are pretty common and I can ask for that to be written into my D, but it is unenforceable. Basically its only value is as a way to raise some sticky issues in a businesslike way. So, should I waste any time or energy with this? I have a lot of similar issues to resolve.
My L did let me know several things that will help me in my decisions. Like that in my situation my H does not even have the option of not paying child support. My D receives state subsidized child care, so the state wouldn’t let me waive that even if I wanted to. By the way I have no plans to waive child support, fyi. This just serves as a safetynet for me. Also the standard visitation schedule would allow far less access between H & D3 than what we have worked out right now. I want D3 to have lots of access to her daddy, but knowing that if things were to get ugly I am not going to lose time with her helps me a lot.
