You go girl! So if the divorce is still on, who gives a flying fig what your H thinks! Take away your phone...your H's L sounds like a little kid and wants to take away any toys. You are an adult and you have given yourself permission to be one. Screw the L and your H for being so petty and small minded!
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No more walking on eggshells about the phone--H went through my room and found the box it came in. Asked about it and I replied my sister gave it to me for Xmas.
He also found that I'd taken back my credit card (in my name on the account) and proceeded to cut it up with much flourish in front of me. Also got the other one out of his wallet and cut it up as well. I told him, Look H, if I had wanted to go on a shopping spree I'd have taken the other one, not the business one (we used it for getting gas and our cell phones--I just hate walking back and forth at the gas pumps with $60 + dollars to fill a diesel truck.)
Oh, I'm just such a sneak--a liar, a sneak, a theif (never mind he stole it out of my purse!) He was told by the C that we went to to give them back to me but does he listen? Course not.
So then later he invites me to lunch! And I show him the videos I took of S when we went to Epcot Monday. He saw a picture of gay neighbor (who helped me get the phone--took his picture that night) and H has a fit--what an idiot!! He is just so losing it! I'm like "It's PETER for heaven's sake!! You know, GAY friend!!"
He's telling me now that if I want money come and ask him. Yeah, that means come and listen to him berate me for his 10 minute screaming fix, and then he'll put money in the account.
I go back and forth between validating and just not wanting to hear it anymore--he's a broken record--he's so unhappy, I'm the spawn of the devil, he can't wait to be gone....whatever...
The DBing part of me wants to "test myself", but I do fail and then I'm hard on myself--he's obviously not right in the head, why do I care what he says?? Aren't I strong enough YET to just let it go by without thinking of what he is saying?? Not defending myself?
You know, I think I just talked myself into testing myself once more.lol. We talked about doing the money program on the computer together, since it has fallen into such a state of neglect since he took over the money. I was vascilating between doing it and just letting it go...
On a different note, our pastor's wife and their 2 daughters and sons-in-law were on Family Feud last week and Rod (who is married to one of the daughters) gave an answer to one of the questions and answered "Naked Grandma". It has caused a sensation! It's on youtube, has been on the Conan O'brian show, the Today show, the Soup--it's hysterical!! I'm going to a friend's to watch the shows (I forgot all about them, but she taped them) and I was *thinking* of asking if H wants to go--again, why I'm doing this I really don't know! Except at my Divorce and Support Care Group they said how much peace you will have if you have done absolutely everything you can.
And this does show my S that I did all I could. My friend would "get it" and would be very pleasant to H.
Anyway, if you want to see a funny clip--this guy preaches at my church!!
Can't seem to get a grip on the fact that I will soon be D'd. I am excited about it to a point, and terrified at the same time. I guess this is natural.
I do still keep working on my R. It's in me. I don't know how to stop. We have 2 weeks until mediation.
At my last Divorce and Support Care meeting again it was emphasized to take responsiblity and apologize for your part of the breakdown, even if it is very small. And do what you can to keep trying. It brings peace. Which is what I want ultimately--I know when I speak about this to anyone that I already have a lot of peace about it--anyone that knows me KNOWS I worked so hard. I have to work on myself this hard some day.lol.
So back to GAL and all of that--I have no plans for this weekend--how did THAT happen?? That is a recipe for depression for SURE!! H is working, I could have done anything I wanted to! ugh!
Hi LauraOh, Thanks for posting to me. I have been doing good. For the most part I have felt like I am dealing with things pretty well, then now with the Holidays coming up, it did push me back a little bit. But I think I am gaining my strength again.
I have not found out anything about an OW, But believe me if I did at some point, I certaninly would not be surprised. He still won't tell me where he is living.
talk to you soon, Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Hi Shelby, I read on your thread you got invited to the inlaw's for Tday.
Be careful what you say! Of course, if they want to they can make up anything--but when I got invited to my H's family's Xmas party last year his mother "heard" me say I was going to go after some hot young guy soon. Um, I am sure I would not have said that but at his parents house, but..whatever.
Hey D4ML--I AM on "the alt" How would I contact you??
Well, I was so upset about mediation being on the 30th. Now I am so thankful!! Our church has been preaching about being thankful regardless of our circumstances. And when you dwell on the positives, they are multiplied (as well as when you dwell on the negatives, they too are multiplied). So in all your circumstances give thanks, and take the time to notice the positives in your life.
This was such a good message for me! After last week I just noticed SO MANY THINGS I was thankful for!! Especially friends--who never seem to tire of telling me that I'm smart, beautiful, and will be a success some day! What in the WORLD did I do to deserve them, I just do not know!!
So then yesterday I have to say I had probably one of the best days of my life! I found a real estate agent to help me get some comps on the house (my H is going to argue that the house is worth way more than it really is--NOTHING is selling right now) who just calmed so many of my fears--she has been divorced, she is a christian, and she has a sister that lives in the Ukraine!lol. Marina loved that part!!
Next my farrier came out and brought her handsome assistant, who proceeded in being very fun, flirty, and grabbed me up in another hug that was, OMG, like the BEST hug. This guy just knows what he is doing or something!
I was showing them my new Iphone and the videos they take and the awesome pictures, and showed them the one my H was so mad about (gay friend down the street). So my farrier says "let's take one of you and Trace (the assistant) and get your H really worked up!"
So he grabs me up again and we take some photos--and I tease him and tell him what a cute couple we make! He's all like "Yeah, we DO".lol.
Then I go to the feed store and show THEM my phone, and all the cool pictures and videos and we talk about all kinds of things and the girl finally writes up a ticket and charges me $13 for something instead of $27--I'm like, oh no, you made a mistake. She catches it but says, don't worry about it--I can do what I want, etc. I said I'm only going to protest once!lol.
Then I come home and work out and look around on my H's dresser (I work out in his room because he's got the DVD player) and I see that he has written all our assets, what he thinks the house is worth, and what he thinks the other property is worth on a tablet. And he is being fairly reasonable--he's written something that is MUCH closer to reality than I thought he'd write.
And for the first time in MONTHS I slept great and didn't wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack! My sister wakes me up at 6, but...hey, I love my sis (keeping it positive here!lol)
Anyway, again, keeping it positive, I just LOVE this site!! It's been a lifesaver in SOOOO many ways--I see now SO clearly that 6 years ago when the firt "bomb" went off that finding this site has prepared me so well for the challenges I face today. I feel I have truly done everything I could have done. We didn't get the greatest C's, but my H didn't do anything that any of them told him to do anyway (the last one told him to give me back my credit cards--do you think he did that??) Oh, and he was going to read the 5 LLs, but that didn't happen either. I go back and forth about even mentioning it--I seem to always do the work for my H and this time it needs to be him doing something...
I'm cooking for H and S tomorrow--tried to find a soup kitchen but wasn't successful (wanted to do that in the a.m. with S)
I'm looking forward to a Turkey-day that I'm not doing everything and I'm exhausted by the end of it--yeah, my H is going to have to actually get off his rear and help for once!! Again, another first!! And it makes me actually enjoy the day more than I ever did when I was married to the guy!!
Hey D4ML, I look forward to your post! Hope everything is going well!!
I just LOOOOVE this phone!! It is amazing--really--I just am having the best time with it!
Thanksgiving was great--one of the best I've ever had. Made a great dinner w/H's help, rode my horse for a few hours and trained the little filly of a friend of mine, fell asleep at 9:30 after having WAAAAY too much to eat, and H cleaned everything up!! This has NEVER happened!
I need to remember to thank H still. There slowly are more positives. Not that it's going to stop anything, and I'm not getting any hopes up at all. So while not for DBing purposes, but just to let him know I notice and appreciate that he did it. Detaching makes me sort of "forget about him" in some ways...
Yesterday my friend came and got me for a ride--soooo beautiful, met some awesome people, met a D'd gal that gave me some good tips for Tues (mediation day--ugh). And saw a BEAR! I tried to get my phone out to video it, but wasn't able to control horse, take out phone, and get it together before bear was gone. But it was sooo cool!
I so wish I could know what is going to happen Tues--it's a waste of brain cells to try to guess, so I am just doing what they emphasized in church again this a.m. Focusing on the positives will increase the positives. A lovely couple who have prayed with me all this time came and spoke the most comforting words over me--that I would not be alone, that Jesus would speak for me, and that I would have peace on that day.
What a wonderful gift they gave me--peace that all will be well!!
You sound really happy which of course is great. Too bad that your H doesn't understand that he has to find happiness within himself and that you can't bring it to him.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope that all goes well. If you ever want to throw a truth dart about his role in his life the happiness one would be it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Great reminder Kat!! That is a TRUTH that no one can deny!
I had a talk with H last night--said I was so, so sorry this was going to happen. I feel bad. He said he feels "used" and I validated that he must feel really bad about that.
My H has read a tiny bit of the 5 LL book and absolutely insists that he is Words of Affirmation. I told him if that was the case, I had it wrong (it is his second LL, first being physical). Then he admitted I had worked like a dog doing acts of service for him. I said, H, at least you see that I was trying my hardest all that time and again, I apologize if it was the wrong direction--I didn't know.
He was screaming--IF ONLY YOU HAD SHOWN ME THAT BOOK BEFORE. Well, here is the thing--he BARELY read it after-the-fact, and it was only because the very last C mentioned it. I have read dozens of R-type books and while this is a favorite, there are others that I like too. He's focusing on this one but...would he have read it 6 years ago? In my heart I know the answer is no.
So again, I go over what I "could have done" but again I really do get a sense of peace. He went on to call me all sorts of names, and then invited me to play a game I love!! Sheesh--so I did play and we had a good time and OH WELL!! It doesn't change anything and I've gotta leave or be late for mediation!lol.
Thank you Kat!!!! I'll probably move over to your neck of the woods here soon and stop focusing on my H so stinkin much!lol
