Boundaries with Love

[Concerned_Listener]

I'm anticipating having to make a decision about whether or not to buy more dance lessons. I've been spoiled this past year. Between the two of us, my W and I will have attended around 30 dance lessons. This is quite an investment, similar to taking a vacation. However, due to my W's recent unemployment, we will need to take a look at if we can continue the same pace. Due to my current financial situation, am not able to contribute to further private dance lessons. We have three remaining, with a dance competition coming in January. My W has bought lessons from her personal savings in the past.

I'm trying to get myself in the right frame of mind to be flexible when the time comes to make a decision. The instructor (trying to make a living) will push us to buy another 10 lesson package. If my W is comfortable buying another one (I don't know what's in her personal accounts), than it's business as usual. If she hesitates, we'll need a back-up plan. I would propose scaling back the frequency of lessons to bi-weekly and paying out of pocket, until we're in a position to buy another package.

The other problem is trying to get my W to practice with me. It's an adjustment since she has returned to work, and is now tired at the end of a day. She was complaining to the instructor that we don't practice enough, but turns me down most of the time when I ask. It seems like I will need to catch her earlier in the evening when I don't have dance classes or when we don't have other plans. The emphasis is more on technique versus choreography this time, so I'm more able to practice on my own. I've been trying to not be discouraged, yet flexible, and either go out on my own to practice with others, or turn the music on at home and practice on my own. If I put negative emotions into the process, she will not want to be my partner in this. I would like to compete with her, but will consider someone else, if she backs out.

I also anticipate when we go to our next lesson, she will paint an inaccurate picture about the reasons for the lack of joint practice. I'll have to decide whether to let my dancing speak for itself, or fuss with her in front of the instructor.



CL