Hi all, Here’s my story. My wife had an affair 2 years ago that we survived. She was seriously fogged, and hated me for about 4 months. She had filed and I had moved downstairs before she came around and admitted it. Once she admitted it, the feelings flew back in the other direction so quickly! Our reconciliation was great, but she never did quite drop 1 male friend who had advised her while we were separated. They texted and chatted innocently for over a year in the background.
I find out now that they decided they had feelings for each other in July this year. They decided not to do anything about it, but also brought their talk underground by using secret accounts. When I discovered this, she promised to stop, but continued. When I discovered it again, I said we were done (tired of the lies, over reacted). That was about 6 weeks ago. We’ve gone back and forth. At first she wasn’t giving up, she would do anything to keep me; I was enjoying the attention but struggling to trust. She told him and me that she wouldn’t leave me for him, but also had trouble letting him go. Through stages we’ve gotten all the way to ILYBNILWY, “I don’t know when I last felt something real for you”, etc. She’s sleeping on the couch and says she thinks she needs a divorce. She says she can’t imagine her life without him in it in some way.
I really feel like I know this woman well enough to know that this too shall pass. Unfortunately, I’m afraid it won’t pass until this affair becomes physical (if it hasn’t already), and perhaps until we are divorced or filed again. It will certainly pass in the harsh realities of a new relationship with OM, who turns out to be just a person after all. I don’t know how much damage we can withstand AGAIN, or how much I can forgive a second time around. Even if it passes, I don’t know if we’ll end up here again and again.
We have so much going for us when its good- shared goals, strong friendship, strong physical chemistry. We have 2 children. I love her family like my own. The finances are as tricky as anyone’s. A divorce will be so ugly and hurtful. She may force it, and I really feel like she will end up more hurt by it then she can imagine. Of course I selfishly don’t want this, but also want to protect her and the children from it.
I’m not sure what to do, but am working on GAL and 180. Tricky when the kids don’t know yet, and we are trying to act normal. “Normal” is to come home, eat dinner, and sit on the couch cleaning the DVR. I don’t want to go dark, GAL or 180 too much right now- it loses me time with the kids, and will give the perception later that I pulled away first.
