Hi, Trusting and others have pointed ot that MLCers love to control, and the divorce process is part of this. He is pulling your strings. Of course you are not fully and always detached - the man you loved and trusted is shafting you. OK, it is a MLC, and he is not 'himself' Intellectually you know this, but emotionally it is the same man who you loved, had children with, and planned your life with, ending your long marriage.
IMO it would be weird if you were fully detached. It is a great place to be, if you can make it, but hard to stay in all the time. We all backslide and get upset, because we still care. I suspect that most women find it harder to detach than guys do. Just an observation , but the guys on the boards are definitely better at least appearing detached, and at pointing out we aren't.
Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself if you are still upset, and still care. Personally I found it easier to do everything through my lawyer. It also meant that my h had to realise everything he said and did would be read by another person, and responded to, on my behalf, appropriately and fairly. He complained that the lawyers had taken control. The subtext was that he was no longer driving the process in his own merry way. He got over it, and I gained a lot of peace.
They have no notion at present of what is fair and reasonable. They think they have moved on, they think they owe us nothing, financially, or as little as possible. It is all about them, and how they feel. He may think that things will be better for him post divorce. It is another solution for so many of them. Generally, I have noticed they either appear to file pretty much immediately, as part of the initial bomb, or they leave it many months, or even years, and see that they are still not happy, and that they 'need' to cut all ties.
Remember that this is the crazy train. Take care of yourself. We all miss our old spouses. The MLC model is no substitute. It is so weird having to deal with someone who looks sane, and with whom we have NO connection, emotionally, at all, after so many years.
