Don't know what to do anymore. Please advise!

[sandi2]

I would say any action that would chance to take from your dignity, should be crossing a boundary. You would need to think of a consequence for him if he doesn't respect the boundary. I don't suggest Divorce at all. You save D until there is nothing left.

These others would fall under things he may say in public or in front of friends/family or in the privacy of home. Any form of bad-mouthing his S or making her the butt of his jokes, is not acceptable behavior. It is rude and it's not "cherising" her as he vowed to do in the wedding cermony. Any putdown or tone of voice, body language, attitude......anything that makes you feel as though he is using you like a doormat. A H is suppose to make us feels like his queen. He should see you like you were the most precious gem ever created. Now this may be something unclear to him as a man, and if it were....then you must bread down and spell it how and draw a pocture of it. But the point is stop giving him little hints at what you want. They are brain damaged and don't know these things.

Now, those above were very important, but they may be somewhat smaller issues (as men see it) than these others. If the M suffered an A and now H is trying to R, then do you plan to state certain boundaries you want to be respected or not? How do you want to hadle that? Do you want some type of transparent plan (we can explan that later, if you want) or do you want to wait and see what happens? Now, I believe whenever A person voices a boundary in the MR, then she/he better have a consequence to enforce . If there is no consequence....then there was so real boundary. No consequences(if not carried out) cancells the boudary. It's usless. So you don't have to tell him what the conseqence will be for these other things. But you will be able to think about it and now how to help the consequence be reated to his boundary breaking.

Obviously the later ones are the more serious and therefor you save the most server consequence for that one.

So, these are only examples I'm throwing at you, okay?

Before he actually moves back into the home, do you want him to sit down with you and discuss anythig or had you rather meet for coffer in a little shop to introduce some new areas of respect in order for you to continue on.