I just want to tell you right now that if you tell him you love him, or be cold....they will both have the effect of pushing him away. What you want is 'non-chalant'.
That calm that you feel is what you want to 'lean into'. It is the beginning of the peace. So let yourself do a few things that will change your brain, and open the space for good interactions and the chance he will come back to you: 1)Keep bringing yourself back to this peaceful feeling when you start to feel the panic....just remember this calm. 2) Don't let yourself call her 'whore' or the baby 'it'. It reinforces the stress in your brain. When your H comes back to you, this other baby will forever be in his life and your son's life. You don't have to embrace it right now, but the sooner you have the glimpse of that possibility, the sooner you will be able to have the behaviors that will change your H's behaviors.
Whatever your outcome of your hospital visit tomorrow...I believe in you.
