Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Lotus -
I failed miserably at your great words today. Need to admit that and move forward. I had come a long ways towards trust, but have lost quite a bit over the last few weeks and simply don't trust at the moment. But you are right, how can I love if I can't trust. Her distance and unresponsiveness today triggered lots of bad memories and emotions. I used almost those same words tonight on our very short conversation. I need her to understand my pain/issues as well and I'm not sure she does right now because she is so consumed with her own stuff. But I tried.

Negative thoughts almost crippled me today. I will do better tomorrow. I have to do better. I have to stop thinking worst case scenario.

Flow - great quote - yes I read that yesterday...thanks again for your advice on the alt the last couple of days...I'm almost done with the book. It helped me today, but not enough. I didn't internalize it enough...but that is a goal for tomorrow. And be kind to myself is something I struggled with today as well. I felt like I should be better than this, handling it better than I am...beat myself up too much

Thanks to all of you that continue to check in on me, as well as Rocked and Rabbit on the alt.