Hey Ivy, 
I don't post a lot anymore, but your story had caught my attention.  Everyone on the boards offers great advice; Sandi is great she can help out a whole lot.  

I can speak from my experience please don't continue on this path as I can tell u first hand that it truly has crushed my heart as my W started an EA with a co-worker then led to a PA.  Of course she denied it all but then I found the proof!!

It has been 9 months since I found out & it still hurts very much today.  I know I had my faults in the marriage & W had hers.  Yet I wanted to continue to work on our M.  We even had a great MC who helped us out, however my W thinks OM was/is her soulmate. Cause at this point the D is still on & we have mediation tomorrow.

I would like to hope things would change, but I don't think they will. I do want my W to be happy & I want to be happy, but until my W deals with some of her own issues(from the past) & the loss of the M I don't think she will be truly happy.

The saddess thing I ever had to do was when we had to tell our S that I was moving out.  It has been 1 hell of a year I lost my W, my family, my house & moved in 2 different apartments.  Well I can just say don't do it cause it will hurt everyone involved.  Hell this A probbly has split 2 marriages & caused a lot of damage.

I know if we did work on the M we both would have a lot to work on but it would be worth it. Instead with the help of my IC I have worked on many issues I had & Sandi as well as others on the board have helped me with this whole process.

Believe me I don't welcome this D, but I can't change her mind or how she feels.  Not that I could have dealt with the D any better, but if my W didn't have the A I think 
A: I could of dealt  with the D a little better.
B: We probably could have worked on our M, but not with OM involved.

The best thing I can say is that it hurts so much & finding forgiveness is tough but not impossible.  

Well I don't know if it helped any but I wish u luck & listen to Sandi she has wonderful advice. Heck I've probably board u with this long post as I have with Sandi with my other post!!
Well talk to ya later Hope