Lace - I am a screaming extrovert - talk constantly. It is who I am, and gosh darnit, I am proud of it! BUT...I need to learn to listen better. Sometimes my H just wants to talk and me just listen. On reflection, that is one area of our relationship where I could really improve!
PEI recommended that I use a sucker when I talk to my H. When I have the sucker in my mouth, it would remind me to shut up!
Sometimes, it is best to keep our mouths shut and let them do the talking. If I was honest with myself, my H would probably talk himself out of a bad decision without any help from me. But I say that in reference to my OLD H not the crazy insane one I currently have!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I am beyond upset right now!!! My bestfriend (she was my bestfriend in highschool and roomie in college) we live in different states, but talk about 10 times a week - so very close. She knows everything that I am going through with my H and the OW and how it has turned my life upside down.
So I find out that this guy that we went to HS with (who is married with children)and my BFF found each other on Facebook, had an affair. He ended up breaking it off because he loves his wife and his family. His wife never found out. No one knew except me and another friend of ours. My BFF and this guy end up staying "friends". texting, calling, facebooking. My BFF is totally in love with this guy (whatever), claims that they are soul mates (whatever) but settles for being best friends (whatever).
Anyway, I was on FB today and I saw that this guy and his wife and kids went to visit my BFF and her family on thier way to the wife's family for Thanksgiving! My BFF posted photos of all of them together, him, wife, my BFF and all of their kids! WTF!!!! REALLY?!
How could she? I am horrified. This is my best friend I am talking about! I can't even call her because I am afraid of what I might say to her.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I know the feeling. One of my BFF's from High School became known as "The Reunion Rapist". She would always show up and start an affair with somebody at the reunions. Obviously, we are not as close as we used to be. She recently broke up the marriage of a schoolmate who was the sole support for his wife who had had a brain aneuyrsm. Her marriage of 32 years finally hit the skids recently when her husband, a really nice guy, had had enough.
Hard as it is, TAMF, let it go. It's between her and God, not you and her. People always have a way of 'qualifying' what they are doing when compared to anyone else.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Wow. I don't know what else to say. Except I really and truly feel for his wife and children. Your friend and her friend, well there's a special place in slimeball he!! for them ...
You can set boundaries with friends too, you do not - make that should not - reserve them for your spouse only. Healthy people have boundaries in all of their relationships. Keep that in mind.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I agree wholeheartedly with PEI. I had a not so close friend of mine start posting things on FB about how the wife of the guy she was dating was all freaking out about her and how my friend thought that was hilarious. Needless to say, it made me want to vomit. I defriended her on FB because I didn't need to see that kind of stuff and haven't talked to her since.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
Everyone makes choices in their lives. The more time we spend focusing on how other people live their lives is time spent not living our and become the people we want to be.
Judgement - it's funny isn't it. Sometime we can change another yet when we ourselves are held up to judgement we start with a "BUT'. IMO, we should always reserve judgement. People make mistakes, people do things that they will regret later. At the end of the day, it is thier lives NOT ours.
As for you friend, i would only say that how you carry yourself should be the message that you send. Don't agree with her chioce or they really upset YOU - cut her off. Ya don't have to say a thing to her. Actions speak louder than words. I like Alb's approach. Just defreind her and let her reap from what she sowed.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I am beyond upset right now!!! My bestfriend (she was my bestfriend in highschool and roomie in college) we live in different states, but talk about 10 times a week - so very close. She knows everything that I am going through with my H and the OW and how it has turned my life upside down.