I just found this page today, and it gave me a smile (the hope shown, the shared troubles). My issues have been going on for a while. In brief:
- Wife had an affair from 9/08 - 2/09. We almost divorced from it, but got through. I had 180'd on my own, and some other lucky breaks occurred. - Reconciliation was wonderful, we laughed, dated, were very close, etc. - The entire time we had 1 thorn, a male friend she had gotten advice from during the separation. I was concerned about the friendship, and kept asking her to make it more appropriate (they were texting an awful lot, and very personally). I even said, “If you’re not careful, you’ll end up in love with him.” She vowed to be more appropriate, but instead started hiding her conversations using techno tricks (secret accounts, spoofed names) - Now she tells me that she is in love with HIM. She has also feels that we do need a divorce after all. She swears that it is not about him, just about us. I have trouble believing this. - We’ve been in this deteriorating state for a few weeks. First, she admitted to talking to him secretly (when I caught it), but swore it was light flirting, nothing more. We were going to save the marriage, but I was conflicted about trusting AGAIN. Then she admitted to having feelings for him- she pulled away from me a bit, but swore she would try as long as I would. Last week she admitted that they have told each other they love each other; she and I fought and she’s been on the couch since 11/11. - We’ve talked a little, but she’s saying that the marriage has been about “keeping pretenses” for years, and she doesn’t know the last time she felt anything for me. She says that I’m controlling, manipulative, etc etc etc. (I find this off base considering she controls our finances and calendars…I feel that I always try to talk to her for input on the decisions I make.)
This level of hatred from someone I’ve shared so much with hurts so badly.
I’m trying to turn a corner and work on myself (again). I can’t help but feel such deep loss, especially when I think of the children, the happiness of our reconciliation period, her family (that I love), and so on.
