online dating tips #3

[kml]

Oh -and as for pet photos? I understand that dog or cat lovers might want to signal that to a prospective date. But for me, it's a turnoff if a guy has cutesy pics of his pets - especially if there's more than one, or he has a little purse dog, or the pet is DEAD now, or he refers to his dog as his son!

(And don't get me wrong, I LIKE cats and dogs).

[flowmom]

Well, my take on pet photos is that if a guy thinks that his dog is seriously relevant to whether or not I'd be interested in dating him, then that tells me a LOT about the guy. To some people their pets might as well be their children and in that case a potential relationship partner might as well know about that up front (just like knowing that one is a parent). Personally, it's not attractive to me when people's relationships to their pets are almost like surrogate relationships that they should have with people. I guess I grew up with "a pet is a pet"...and there's nothing wrong with having one.

[BobbiJo]

Yeah, I don't mind one pet pic, but I would prefer you be in it WITH your pet. And several pics of your pet? Not necessary..

I also don't need multiple photos of your vehicles (motorcycle, boat, truck, sports car)...maybe it you are out boating in a pic, fine--that covers a pic of your abs if you want to show them, and of your boat. But just shots of the machines with nobody in them? I am not shallow enough to base my interest in what toys you own.

And I have, oddly enough, seen a handful lately with several photos apparently from vacations, but without the person in them? Like one guy had pics of palm trees, then some Hawaiian fire dancers, etc. Ok, tell me you like the beach or you like to travel--I will believe you! I don't need the pics to prove it...

[kml]

Facebook/internet weirdness -

I'm not sure I'm really equipped to deal with this new interconnected society. Today I had Facebook up. My ex boyfriend posted some videos to my wall. My East Coast suitor, who would LIKE to become my boyfriend, is posting comments to my old boyfriend (he doesn't know it's my old boyfriend) while I can see my old boyfriend's current girlfriend is posting to his daughter (about something I would also like to comment on, but have to send as a private message because I don't want to creep out the new girlfriend by posting right after her). Meanwhile the East Coast suitor is sending me private messages too. And all the while I am on chat on OK Cupid with somebody else that I would rather be talking to anyway.

I think I am OVER Facebook already!

[v1olin]

Emailing/texting is so impersonal. I don't like it either.

[g450]

Hmmm, Speaking of FB.

Just yesterday I got a notice from Fb telling me somebody in CA accessed my FB acct. They didnt do any damage but I changed passwords just to be safe.

I now wonder if my XW is having one of her online boytoys hack into my page to check up on me.

I doubt it though. I could have gotten remarried or even gotten run over by a bus and she could care less. Or at least that is how she has acted towards me through the year.

My GOD I will be divorced almost a year now in February! And I still think about her every day. Somebody please just shoot me!

[flowmom]

g450, what is holding you back from enjoying the single life...and eventually being with someone who actually appreciates you? It's pretty great! I think I just became fixated on my WAS...it wasn't until I got GAL down and started dating other men that the spell was broken and I realized that there were guys out there that have tons to offer, and offer it willingly and generously.

[g450]

Well I hate to say it but I am dating a nice girl but she has issues. But then again who doesnt?

And I was honest enough to tell my gf that I was still on the rebound big time. No surprises for her and she understood this completely.

Sadly, dating her does not keep me from thinking about my XW. I even told her that I thought I should not be dating yet but we are good to each other and enjoy each others company.

When I am with her I do not think about my XW at all. It's the days inbetween that get to me.

I know its messed up and I know what I need to do. Just still having a hard time letting go. I feel it may still take some time. I was loving this woman for 23 years and I cant turn that off like a switch. But I am way better almost a year later than the absolute emotional train wreck I was just seven months ago so I am making progress.

Sorry to hijack this otherwise upbeat thread with a downer posting LOL. Ill go back to lurking now.

[g450]

I do have one question though regarding dating women with kids.

Seems my GF is constantly inviting her 12yr old Son to come along whenever she visits me on the weekends or we go out etc. Sometimes she will not even tell me this beforehand, she just brings him with her.

This kind of bothers me a bit as I want her all to myself and it makes intimacy awkward and even kills the mood.

She tells me she cant afford a sitter and does not want to leave him alone at home all day by himself etc.

Am I being a bit too selfish or petty in that regard?

[Golfgirl1]

I still stand by the motto, "You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are." If you are needy or have serious issues, that's what you'll attract. If you are desperate, that's what you'll attract.

Tomorrow night I will attend yet another workshop on romance, "The Dynamics of Attraction." It's very important to keep working on yourself. Only YOU can *complete* you and make you happy. If you're looking for that in a relationship, forget it. I also believe that until you've resolved ALL issues from your past relationships, you are not free to involve yourself with someone new. It's not fair to them.

Just my point of view.....It doesn't hurt to continue to look inward and use self-reflection to heal. I think too many people rush out to find someone new without finding themselves again, first.

My XH left in May of 2009 and we were officially divorced in May of 2010. I just recently started dating a terrific guy who I would never have been emotionally healthy enough to date until just a couple of months ago and it's going really well.