"...so why does he continue to repeat the pattern??? Honestly, I can't imagine how he feels connected with me in the slightest bit in a situation when I've told him that I am not comfortable and feeling angry with him but he continues a sexual encounter that does not feel good to either of us...."

Be careful for what you wish for....

Having been there......he does it because he is desparate deep down inside to feel connected to you, actually to anyone.

He needs, on a primal level, to feel connected with someone else. He needs to feel loved, to feel comforted, to feel desired, and even if he isn't, he still needs those things and you are as good as it gets for him.

It was only after I worked on getting a life and decided my wife's action would determine if we divorced or not, and focused on my being my source of strength and happiness that I stopped engaging in destructive sex with my wife. Ultimately she decided she preferred to stay married and we worked hard to rebuild a relationship that is stronger than it was for many years.

>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.