Marriage was another accomplishment like graduating from school. Graduating to adulthood. I did the work. I put in the time. I have the ring and license as proof. Yet no one can take your diploma away. The accomplishments are not supposed to be undone.
Can you still do higher level algebra? Tell me how to find the surface area of a cone? I hope you get my meaning regarding that, you want to be good at something you work at it.
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She presses further. After flirty (read 'awkward' banter) she ultimately says women won't move unless insecure. She needs to see me with someone else to realize that she is not in control anymore.
THAT just became the BEST pick-up line I ever ever heard. I'm going to have to remember that one if I am ever single. BTW...NO ONE moves unless they are forced to. Recall you say it was stupid that it took this all happening to affect changes...I'm paraphrasing.
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When I earnestly make changes and W fails to notice - blinded by her A, her anger, why should I expect different results? I'm really not too angry - or if I was I cycled fairly quickly. I can take comfort in my positive changes, but being detached waiting for her to 'snap out of it' hasn't worked.
A couple of problems here.
One being patience, and do not get me wrong, we all eventually run out of it. But what are you suing to replace it as fuel? Pride? Pride is a good one, No one you know has put up with as much as you have, well maybe you BIL, but in different ways. So try buring pride for awhile.
The big problem, with capital P R O B L E and M.
Her.
You are still doing this for her.
Your changes are great, not taking that away for you, but the reasons, the foundation should have shifted soley to you and what you want. Secondary is if she notices, that is a benefit...never the reason.
You change for her? To please her, and suddenly why the hell are you doing it?
'Snap out of it' there is no date, no timeline, no telling.
Your goal? Your goal is to outlast this for you, so you have no regrets. So you KNOW you did your best. To go as long as you can, heal up in the process. Come a day when you are done, it will be from a place of strength, not because your upset at her and her choices or how she treats you or the holidays are coming up.
And if she comes out of it the following day? Well thats a tough call, but you know what? It is still tough a year later or 5 years later. BUT all your choices will be made from a strong man a whole man, with no codependancy issues or your emotions running ramshod over your thoughts.
Dettached?
My wife's bad mood or good mood does not mean I have bad mood or a good mood. (Believe me I understand how easy this is to say and hard to do)
That mood is mine.
Her actions, her drama, her poor choices, does not impact my day.
Maybe its easier for me, I have a teenage son, if I let his emo attitude and dissatisfaction with life (not truely the case) affect me, I be listening to AMI and about as cheerful as Eeorye.
How much is enough Crushed?
Well, you're still here, so get up, Dust off, and cowboy up.
Feeling the consequences? You know? I agree, but for the 'right' reasons, the right ones which also include the RIGHT consequences.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
