Thank you so much for responding.. I am going to reply to both responses thru this post. To post #1- Yes there were some issues we had. she is very strong willed person, so at times her ways that she would approach a situation and topic, were very harsh. in turn I would react defensive at times. I am pretty slow to anger, so when she would get me to that point, I didn't know how to react.. Issues, she could be very jealous, she felt I took her for granted(at times i am sure I did), she didn't feel intimacy, and also that the communication wasn't there. But usually communication could be very one sided (her side) then would lead to an argument. But she also always said that arguing was healthy.. I agree to, to an extent. Also at time she relied on me a lot for her happiness, which created a lot of pressures from her towards me. shes 29yrs and feels she is having a (kind of) mid-life crisis. She wants to be "free" says, financially independent from her parents (which I have always said to her), and wants to live her life. Doesn't want the responsibilities of a relationship. The hard thing here as well is I have a son from a previous marriage, who is taking this hard as well. They had a really good relationship. Since he was 2yrs. she is the one that really pressured the marriage, although I wanted to marry her as well(otherwise I wouldn't have asked her), but for her it needed to sooner, and on her time.
And yes her support was not there. She even argued with me a my Dad's funeral. Which pushed me over the edge with resentment, leading me to say things that I didn't mean. Such as "are we even compatible, and I don't know if we are attracted to each other any more", BUT never mentioned Divorcing!!! I knew I loved her, just needed some understanding. She said she didn't feel included..
I did put my self in her shoes thru exercises i did, and had to walk away, because I was so ashamed of myself. I have really done a lot work on myself, thru reading and counciling. and notice huge changes.. I want her to see them too. I don't want to change her, I completely accept her for whom she is..
She is going to a councilor, that I think is steering her away from a relationship.. "Her/Our needs aren't being met". I was going to this councilor as well, and the excercises she gave me were to help me move on, because my W wanted to move on. Just recently thru conversation with my W, she mentioned some things that I told this councilor, in my private sessions. I am upset about that..I feel this lady was being unethical here. I have to talk with councilor, but I don't know my approach yet. i don't want to push her buttons, by saying something stupid, and have get back to my W. Confused here. No longer seeing the woman though..
Thanks sandi- Sorry for the book-
Need ideas with goals, if you have any, I am open..
To be continued- Maybe i can get help and ideas to
