2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Nvrgivup]

Hi WP,

I don't know if this helps or if it is perhaps just another perspective, but I thought I'd share it. I am not particularly religious either, but like you, I enjoy and get something out of posts like the one from MMF. For me I look at the vows I took, and view them as a promise or even a covenant I made with myself. I promised myself that I would be faithful "till DDUP" that I would remain committed in good times and bad (and divorce is as bad as it gets as another poster mentioned). I guess what I'm saying is that whether you have made that promise to God or to your spouse or to yourself, in the end it is you who makes that decision, and ultimately you are accountable to yourself for how much or how long you decide to commit to it. What is so unfortunate in our world today is the weight put on selfishness. It is encouraged, rewarded and respected. Remaining hopeful, or committed is not an easy path. It is fraught with tough emotions, fear, and disappointment. Your position will be questioned, frowned upon and perhaps even condemned by others. But with the bigger risk, comes the potential for bigger reward (and bigger failure too obviously). The thing with DBing is that no matter how it turns out, you will be a better person for it. As so many here including Michele have said. You have to follow and trust in the process for sure, you have to be patient, you have to mitigate your losses. It is about doing for yourself, without being selfish. I know for me it is really starting to help me not worry as much about "what does she mean by this" or "Is this a little sign?" Ya just can't worry about it. We cant control what our ex's do, only how we respond. And if we are taking care of ourselves, we are in a stronger position to respond the right way. And right now thats all its about. Be good to the kids, be good to yourself, and try to enjoy everything as much as you can. Put your faith wherever its best suited to who you are. For MMF its in God, for you it may be in yourself, for others it may be in the DB process. And if the day comes where you just cannot hold on anymore, you will be able to look at yourself and know you did not only the best you could, but more than most, and probably more than you thought you could. And even if the world doesn't throw flowers at your feet, you will know what you did, what you endured, and most likely your kids will know. And that will have a huge payoff for you and for them.
And to MMF, just wanted to say that don't worry about being preachy or making anybody uncomfortable, the message is a good one, no matter the context. As I said I am not really religious, but that doesn't mean there isn't great wisdom in what you say.