I am winking but that has not really worked yet. I have emailed atleast 15 people but have not really clicked with anyone. Maybe I am too picky now? I feel old fashioned being on there. I want to meet someone like I did in highschool or college, friend of a friend.
Violin, I agree...you are good looking
Yeah, don't waste your time winking. If you want to get to know someone better, start the conversation (esp guys). It's *good* to be picky. Yes, we would like to meet someone the old-fashioned way, but trust me once you meet someone who you do click with, all the online weirdness falls away. Guitarist wishes that he had met me the old-fashioned away but I'm just glad that we met because it likely wouldn't have happened by chance even though we have a mutual friend.
Feel free to post your profile text for feedback.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Living with a wife for so long that I felt was not attracted to me and sometimes the rejection was so bad that I would even ask her if she was, her answer was always yes. "It's not you, it's me." I know I should have seen the red flags but I was stupid. Finally she showed her true feelings by divorcing me and chasing a married man.
That is such a blow to the ego it can be hard to beleive that you "still have it." I have many people in my life who tell me that I am attractive, I have a radio voice, I have good hands, I am witty and funny, blah blah blah
I don't want to find someone just because my XW is dating someone but it can be hard to really ask myself to be honest about that.
I can atleast say that who I am looking for now is not a replacement for my XW, I have had enough of her! lol
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I can relate completely. It's such a blow to the ego. I was actually told "the thought of being with you makes me want to vomit". How does that impact your self-esteem? I've gotten the worst, but I have still come out of this alright. I'm decent looking, not a model, but not ugly either. I know that I'll be fine, but a relationship that ended the way it did for us can severely hamper your confidence.
M:39 W:37 Together: 16 years Married: 11 years Bomb: May '09 (ILYBNILWY) Moved out: Nov '09 D: 10, 8, 4
I was rejected for years too, and it really did a number on my self-esteem. I made it worse by burying the "woman" side of me. I didn't feel that there was any room to express that part of myself between my husband rejecting me and being in a world seemingly populated by women only (I wasn't in the workforce and had no male friends).
I was lucky that after separation I developed a friendship with a man who validated my inner and outer attractiveness...and helped me to move out of my comfort zone in expressing that part of myself. He encouraged me to start going out in the world as a single woman, etc. I remember that I was terrified to even smile at a man or make eye contact.
At the same time my outer self was transforming dramatically. I used the LBS diet to jumpstart losing 30 lbs and I also started dressing to express my femininity, like I did when I was still me. I started primping more too. It was amazing how differently people treated me, both people who knew me and people who didn't. Some of it was that I looked better. But some of it was people picking up on my vibe of wanting to radiate my energy outward into the world.
For many men, I've noticed that what often increases their self-confidence is exercising and spending time with guy friends. It seems like you guys get a boost from those things. That inner boost is something that affects all areas of your life including interactions with women.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
You are absolutely correct on all points. I started going to the gym, going out with friends, and then realized that I was worth more than what she was telling and giving me. The gym gives you the inner confidence needed to get through this whole thing. I went from a broken man to someone who has a good deal of optimism about the future. Going through the process of D is going to be tough, but after that's done.....look out world!
M:39 W:37 Together: 16 years Married: 11 years Bomb: May '09 (ILYBNILWY) Moved out: Nov '09 D: 10, 8, 4
May I interject an online dating tip? Haing just signed up to a free site, because I don't feel like paying for THAT right now. Please, men and women alike, a picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror especially where you can see the flash or the camera is a huge turnoff..... these seem to be the guys who are interested in me:)
In the last few days I have had two married men e-mail me on one of the free sites. Seriously, married but looking for a fling. I was disgusted!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I would advise anyone dating online to get at least one friend to take a critical look at any photos posted. I saw M's profile recently. He is a very handsome man, but his photos don't do him justice at all. He doesn't realize that he can't use his winning smile and charm online, and that his photos need to convey more about him than they are.
Your headshot really should be in natural lighting -- everyone looks better that way. Get someone you really like to take the photo so that you have a relaxed, smiling facial expression.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hanging out with guy friends? I guess that could work but I became much more self confident when I started contributing in my divorce group. I am the only man in there. I took what I learned here and applied that in the group. I started helping women understand their x husbands a little better and now they all have the hots for me! lol Ok, maybe not ALL of them...just a few.
I have been terribly shy most of my life but it looks like divorce has cured me of that. 2 years ago I would have never been part of a support group and I definetly would have never been the life of the party in one!
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Flowmom - I was just going to post the same thing about pictures. I'm sure some of the guys I am nixing based on their photos might actually be cute in real life - I just don't have the time to go out on coffee dates with all of them to find out. So guys, try to put up some flattering photos. And try NOT to put up the awful ones, lol. I've seen a few guys where I thought - "Oh, he's kinda cute" then I scroll down to some awful pic and think "Ok, not so much". Not that there shouldn't be some truth in advertising - I've known a lot of guys who complained about women showing up and looking nothing like their pictures. The pics should look like you, but you on a GOOD day. And if there are cute women in the shot with you, please explain that it's your sister (or, as one guy explained, his "BFF of 16 years".
And P.S. - it's okay to include ONE picture of your younger self, so long as you label it as such. And don't make it your main photo - that feels like a bait and switch. For guys of a certain age though, sometimes that younger photo can help us see the cuteness in you now. (Sometimes, though, it just makes us think "Wow, what happened to HIM???" so use your judgment, lol.)
