To a certain extent, I don't think one can just switch off resentment. I think that there will be related scars for quite a while, at least there are for me.
Ultimately, I think one needs to mental determine that you need to take care of you and focus on meeting your own needs. It helps (in my opinion) if you can also mentally get to a point where you want to try to provide unconditional and daily acts of emotional love to your spouse for a fixed (multi-month) period of time. It helped me to realize that from my wife's perspective, I had hurt her badly, even though it was not my intention of ever doing that. That allowed me to try to forgive how badly she had hurt me or at least put my pain on a back burner, while I tried to make a better life.
Then as you achieve happiness work on forgiving your spouse, so that you can be emotionally free to find greater happiness.
But still the scars of emotionally being hurt are still there and sometimes get in the way of even a reconciled relationship, at least in my experience.
I found some CD's that I could play in my car while commuting on affirmations, positive self-hyponsis, and forgiveness to be helpful. Barnes & Noble & Amazon.com have lots of them.
Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
