We are going to sessions with a counselor once/week, but nothing's really happening between them. I get no real sense that she gives a damn, not has the emotional intelligence to deal with what's going on.
Yesterday, she called to ask if I'd take our daughter overnight at my place. I typically just drop her off at the wife's house at bedtime. I agreed to do this, since the wife said she had a panic at work she had to deal with. She got home at midnight (I know this because I asked someone to watch for her arrival), and she told me today that she didn't end up working after all, but got to get some much-needed Xmas shopping done instead. As we know, the stores close at 9 or 10, so I will be very curious to know her whereabouts between then and midnight. I have emailed her that very question, and am awaiting a response.
In short folks, I don't want to live like this. It's just not comfortable being distrustful. When I went to the studio this morning to drop off my daughter at day care (the same studio where my wife works, and where I used to work), I stopped in to visit the office where Mr. Hunky Fireman works, but he was out. Just wanted to wish him Merry Xmas, I suppose. As I drove to work, I thought.....here I go AGAIN!! Why do I waste my time with this s**t!!?? I'm better than having to deal with this, and I deserve someone who wants me for what and who I am. Better to go off and work on myself, and hope that I can draw in a woman who really wants me. I don't get the feeling that my wife really wants me, and I'm not so sure I even want her any more. I'm tired of living in fear, resentment, and distrust. This is all I feel for my wife nowadays. I don't really miss her. I think we're both better off alone.
She asked me today what is wrong, because I was not answering my cell phone when she called, and wondered if I wanted to talk. She said that I have no reason to be out of sorts with her. I told her that I have many reasons, and listed four of them for the sake of discussion, but did it via email. She gave me thoughtful responses, but I really need to know from HER what time she got home last night. I was shopping last night and ran into a person who she said she'd be working with last night. He looked baffled when I told him that my wife had said something about everyone working late that night, and that's what got my mind going. She did state today that they decided to NOT work late after all, but I think it was all a ruse to give her play time with Mr. Hunky Fireman.
I don't want to be in a relationship like this.... Wondering. Always wondering.
