I believe that one of my most favorite things to do in this entire world is to sit by a roaring fire in my fire place and watch it snow outside. I put on my favorite Xmas carols, have a toddy, watch my Xmas light twinkle, and get absolutely lost in my warm, cozy happiness.
I love to snow ski, I love making snow angels, and I absoluletly love watching my kids play in the snow.
Snow is adults very best excuse to be a kid again.
Thanks for your words of encouragement last week when I really needed it. I miss seeing you on the boards and enjoy your wisdom and encouragement (and WHOMP A$$) Life has not changed for me. I would not know what to do if it did.....
I love making comfort food when the snow flies....
I sent you an email earlier today. Hope you're feeling better.
I'm in a mood of resignation today. Resigned to the the fact that my marriage will be on its way to being over after the holidays. Unless I see a radical attitude shift on the part of my wife, I prefer to cash in my chips and move on, as lovingly as possible. I have told my wife that the things I want are deal-breakers....if she can't meet them (and they are basic needs of a spouse, nothing radical), there's no point in being together. I expect,...EXPECT...basic things from a wife, and I believe she's scared s**tless that she actually has to finally follow through, after all these years of blaming me for her problems. We have another session with a counselor on Friday, so we'll see how that goes.
With the resignation coems a nice sense of freedom and peace of mind. I still have two daughters that adore me, a good job, and the possibility of finding someone who can accept me for who I am, and share happiness with her that my daughters can observe. They deserve that, and I deserve that. I deserve better, and am tired of living in my wife's s**t.
First you are obsessive about your relationship and then this decision in such short order? I really am amissing something here, Cloudy, You are doing a post mortem on your marriage and setting the headstone already. I don't understand the rush. Why?
Wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you and sending love vibes your way. I hope you are also feeling better and enjoying the 'slush.'
Know that I read everyday, even though I may not post. Got Xmas stuff, work stuff, kid/school stuff going on, lots of hockey and traveling, so I don't have quite as much time to spew forth my lovely opinions on y'all... don't worry, I am sure after the holidays I'll be bugging the he!! out of everyone again.
Will you be spending the holidays with any of your kids? Do you have plans? If not, let's get busy and start making some... holidays can sometimes be a rough ride if you don't pack your days with plans...
Holidays can bea tough time but I have lots to do, even time to wallow when I am in the mood.... My intention is to get together with the H and begin to negotiate terms of the D. Don't know how far we will get as I'm sure that this will be quite a process for both of us.
The youngest will come home for a few days, the oldest will not be able to get home. I will go to Xmas with the H at his families' annual do. I have no quarrel with them and he still has not told them. That is not up to me, it is up to him. His family are nice people and we always enjoy ourselves, so why not go?
Thanks for checking in, and try to keep your sanity during these busy times. I did not realize that you went back to work.
I'm concerned about Cloudy, too. I know that emotions run high when all of this crap affects us, but something must have happenned. I just don't want the decision making process to be made in haste and pain.
We are going to sessions with a counselor once/week, but nothing's really happening between them. I get no real sense that she gives a damn, not has the emotional intelligence to deal with what's going on.
Yesterday, she called to ask if I'd take our daughter overnight at my place. I typically just drop her off at the wife's house at bedtime. I agreed to do this, since the wife said she had a panic at work she had to deal with. She got home at midnight (I know this because I asked someone to watch for her arrival), and she told me today that she didn't end up working after all, but got to get some much-needed Xmas shopping done instead. As we know, the stores close at 9 or 10, so I will be very curious to know her whereabouts between then and midnight. I have emailed her that very question, and am awaiting a response.
In short folks, I don't want to live like this. It's just not comfortable being distrustful. When I went to the studio this morning to drop off my daughter at day care (the same studio where my wife works, and where I used to work), I stopped in to visit the office where Mr. Hunky Fireman works, but he was out. Just wanted to wish him Merry Xmas, I suppose. As I drove to work, I thought.....here I go AGAIN!! Why do I waste my time with this s**t!!?? I'm better than having to deal with this, and I deserve someone who wants me for what and who I am. Better to go off and work on myself, and hope that I can draw in a woman who really wants me. I don't get the feeling that my wife really wants me, and I'm not so sure I even want her any more. I'm tired of living in fear, resentment, and distrust. This is all I feel for my wife nowadays. I don't really miss her. I think we're both better off alone.
She asked me today what is wrong, because I was not answering my cell phone when she called, and wondered if I wanted to talk. She said that I have no reason to be out of sorts with her. I told her that I have many reasons, and listed four of them for the sake of discussion, but did it via email. She gave me thoughtful responses, but I really need to know from HER what time she got home last night. I was shopping last night and ran into a person who she said she'd be working with last night. He looked baffled when I told him that my wife had said something about everyone working late that night, and that's what got my mind going. She did state today that they decided to NOT work late after all, but I think it was all a ruse to give her play time with Mr. Hunky Fireman.
I don't want to be in a relationship like this.... Wondering. Always wondering.
