Looking for help with WAW - 2

[mza8]

Thanks soleil. I've talked to a L but I haven't responded to her petition yet. I'm still trying to decide what to do as far as my response. I have a couple of options and I'm thinking of which way I want to go with this.

I'm trying to focus on me but some days it's still so hard. Some days I feel like this hasn't gotten any easier for me. I still love her and would do anything for her. Some days it takes all of my willpower not to want to contact her. I want to ask her for coffee or something but I know it's not the right time...I guess it's not the right time.

I still put so much blame on myself that my M has come to this point. I put the blame on me because she puts the blame on me. She thinks I was responsible for the financial mess and it's all my fault. Whether it is or it isn't it would have been nice for her (as my W) to have stuck by me and supported me the way I supported her.

Sometimes I wonder if she was always the kind of person who was just about herself or if our financial crisis has made her become that way? I look at it (regarding the financial mess) that we were in a sinking boat. I was trying so hard so bail out the water. There was one life jacket on board. Instead of my W helping me bail out the water she chose to put on the one life jacket and save herself. She left me to sink. That's very hard for me to get past...her selfishness, her need to get out, to save herself. That's not how a M should be.

I guess I'm just having a bad day today with this sitch. All I want is another chance with her...