How do you move on?

[Dug]

So intellectually I am ready to move on; I have been out on dates and had a good time; I have convinced myself intellectually it would be a bad idea to reconcile; I have resumed my life as much as I can.

But what can I do to help the emotional healing? To stop missing my former life?

[sgctxok]

Hi Dug....


Why do you have to do this....why can't you reconcile?

[Jstar]

Hey Dug I'm in the same spot. Still love the man, have dreams of him, only thing i do not date.

[Dug]

Hello Sgctxok;

Thank you for the reply.

The answer to your question is not that we “can’t” reconcile – it’s certainly in the realm of possibility; though remote at the moment.

The problem is that my wife has no desire to reconcile; and though I would be lying if I said I didn’t want my old life back; I have decided that at this point it would be better to move on rather than continue hoping for something that is probably not going to happen.

And that’s where I am at the moment. I have convinced myself that it might be better and healthier to just move on, but emotionally there are still parts of me that miss the way things where; and in those moments during the day of non-distraction I ketch myself wishing things were different and it throws off my flow for a while.

I need to get my emotions in line with my decision it move on; I guess that only happens in time. But I was wondering if people had any short term techniques that help their mind off the past and back into the present.

[Dug]

Hello Jstar;

Thank you for your reply.

Yea I was hoping that if I started dating again that it would help me move farther down the road, that it would give me someone else (or a few someone elses for a while ;p) to dream about. It just hasn’t turned out that way so far. The dates are nice; but a night out for coffee doesn’t just replace 12 years of memories.

And so far I haven’t really clicked with anyone; I was so much easier when you’re a teenager or young 20 something. If you had a fun time on the rollercoaster together than you clicked. Now it’s complicated by things like; do you have kids; do they have kids, where are the kids; sorry can’t go out Friday cause I have the kids; where do you work; is it an upwardly mobile job; Will this person like “everything” I like cause I’m too old to waist my time; ect ect. Some times its like going on a job interview.

[soleil]

The dates are nice; but a night out for coffee doesn’t just replace 12 years of memories.

That is so true.
All you can do it take it one day at a time. I know it's lame and that is cliched as heck but it's the only way.

Unfortunately there is no magic pill to take to "move on." It is a long process...

[CajunRose]

Sometimes when I find myself thinking about H I close my eyes and yell inside my head "Go away H, I don't want to think about you right now!" It doesn't work most of the time, but when it does, I feel better....