Back off and leave her & OM alone. I agree with Bond....have your lawyer take care of her not paying her part.

I would say that you just need to take a break and stop trying to figure out what you feel right now. Plan some special things with the kids, have some special time planned for yourself, and stop giving all your mental energy to W & OM.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!