Ok, So we have started the new routine, i am very skeptical about this. I have rear and re read my posts and the feedback I have recieved.
She has not broken off the relationship with OM, she said she wasnt ready to make the phone call. She thought she was, but when it came down to it, she couldnt do it. She needs to avoid him right now.
That was all i needed, I told her i would not invest anything else into this. She is free to do what ever she must, just not at my home. She is out and our current visitation schedule is in effect.
She thinks i am being too harsh. Like WTF, her time apparently is good enough for me in her eyes. She just needs a few days. I looked her in the face and told her a few days wont make a difference. She left her husband, family and home for this man. You cant shut those feelings off in a few days. She isnt able to make the decision to end that relationship to work on ours as she said she was. I will not be second choice and I will not live in an open marriage.
So she is gone to straighten her head out and I am back to my normal routine and my new life. My kids unfortunately have to deal with this too, but I have just kept it very low key, so as not to upset the kids too much.
Well 2 days and i havent spoken to her other than to respond to her goodmornings and goodnights. She did tell the kids she was going to a friends. Funny thing is they havent skipped a beat. Its like she wasnt even there.
So i am trying to give her space right now. She claims to be staying at a friends. The only confirmation i have to that is i told the dealership that i wasnt paying her arrears on her car and they should pick it up and sell it. I would pay what the loss is and take it out of the settlement on our home. They did go to pick up the car, the OM said she no longer lived there and he didnt know where the f@#@ she was check with me. So thats the only confirmation i have that she's not at OM home. I am afraid i will have to break down and pay for the car, as i am still on the lease and it will effect my credit.
I am still not sure what i am supposed to do here. I believe that i should stick to my boundary and until she breaks it off with the OM. So i guess i continue with my life.
So my wife had a nervous breakdown on Friday. She was extremly upset to the point she "wished she had a gun". I kinda just fell into the trap. I called her, calmed her down and found out thatshe didnt get her last pay from her job, and now shehad no money.
So this is when everyone calls me a sucker, Friday was my daughters birthday and my wife always takes the kids out for a bday lunch. I gave my wife money to take out D7 and spend the day with her. I also put $300 into her account to cover the car payment that was coming out. She has already bounced one payment i didnt want another payment to be returned. Its still my credit that gets effected if she screws up.
I did talk to the dealership, and i was able to convince my wife to return the vehicle to them until she could make up the missed payment. So thankfully the car is back at the dealer, the payment isnt going to bounce.
I just felt like i was used all weekend. I felt like she kknew if she said waht she said, i would come and save the day. I guess I did, so she is right. I just cant seem to stop myself. This women owes me almost 4000 in back child support, yet i give her my grocery money to cover her bills.
Sounds like you have already given yourself one...
Quote:
She was extremly upset to the point she "wished she had a gun". I kinda just fell into the trap.
I don't think you fell into a trap unless you feel she made that up to get what she wanted. If you believed her, then you did the right thing. That is the mother of your children, and your kids need your mother, so helping her through this crisis is doing what works and is the right thing to do
What I don't understand is if you are still M, how does she owe you back child support?
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
GW, We have a legal separation in place with set child support for all 4 kids that are in my custody. She has yet to pay me any of the childsupport for the entire time she lived with the OM. The number just keeps going up until she either pays it or we reconcile and the case is pulled. If we do reconcile the amount of owed freezes and she is still responsible to pay it off. Even if she lives back at home.
I just feel like she knows that i do love my family and that i will help no matter what. So i feel that she uses my mindset to get what she wants. Why didnt she ask OM for money? Why come to me? He gets her love and affections and I get to pay her bills.
I have just felt like a complete idiot all weekend. I have left myself so short for this week after giving that money to her. I cant help but beat myself up for it. My MIL went nuts on me, but she pitched in and went grocery shopping with me to make sure we had everything we need.
I do not know if it is normal. All I can relate is from my experience with an EA and W wouldn't ask for money either...I never got to why on that, cause it just wasn't relevant. But when W was going deeper undercover and trying to figure out way to finance a phone without me seeing the charges, I said why not just have OM pay for it...and that was an adamant no way for her. No clue why.
What you are doing with $$ isn't working...isn't bringing her back and isn't making you feel good about yourself...so do something different
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I got an email this afternoon that I can assume came from OM (it was from a hotmail account) telling me to pretty much Foff and leave W alone. The email was hurtful and very specific. I forwarded it to W and asked her to explain. She said she wasnt sure who sent it, but they were right. She was at the OM house.
So I went to the OM house and was quite vocal about the situation. OM was to afraid to come to the door, and when she came outside, I looked at her and told her to give me my money. That she played me for a fool and I wanted the money back.
She tried to talk to me, she said this wasnt what she wanted. She was there to talk with OM that she was getting a job and until then she was going to stay at a friends. She was going to get her own place. I looked her straight in the eyes and said she was full of sh@#. I said she used me to feel better about herself and then she used me to get money and get rid of some of her stress.
She told me she didnt use me, that she really wants to be my friend. That i have been such a major part of her life for so long. She doesnt want to be with out me in her life. I told her she was fu#$ed in the head, and I hated her.
So i pretty much left it at that. I also told her i would be to the house everyday after work until she gave me every penny that she owes me.
So not my finest moment, but come on, when is enough enough. so now my journey begins again. I ask myself if i do hate her, and the sad part is, im starting to.
So i am looking for some help now from the experts. whats next
Don't go over there demanding money. Let the lawyers hammer it out. Document everything. Take pictures, save the emails, everything. They could slap you with harassment or call the cops on you. Protect yourself first. Don't give them anything they can call you out on.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Back off and leave her & OM alone. I agree with Bond....have your lawyer take care of her not paying her part.
I would say that you just need to take a break and stop trying to figure out what you feel right now. Plan some special things with the kids, have some special time planned for yourself, and stop giving all your mental energy to W & OM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
